Enchanted
by GreenGoo
Summary: How a boring day and routine can be broken by one simple encounter. The beginning of a journey that two girls had never expected.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_Something happens and I'm head over heels_

* * *

><p>I don't think I am that kind of person who prefers locking herself in her room when everything feels strange, thoughts pile up and create a lot of noises in head. It's much better to take a walk cleaning your mind or distracting in any other way. Like reading a book, for example.<p>

One of the lessons I learned since I was a little girl is that thinking too much doesn't bring any good. Not that I'm often used to find myself drowning in my own feelings, lying down on my bed with my eyes fixed on the ceiling. I am a girl far too busy within school, friends, training with the Cheerios and my hobbies. I have a lot of things to do and not so much time to stop and ponder.

Yet tonight I can't avoid it and here I am, staring at an undefined point of my room. And, before you ask me… No, I haven't any will to dress and go to the Autumn fair.

Unfortunately I have no choice. I have to take pictures for the local newspaper. Damned the moment I accepted! Since when I decide to take on other tasks? As if I didn't have a lot of other things to do.

But then again, it's possible that next year I won't be here. I mean, with college and everything else.

I hear a knock and I quickly grab a magazine on the bedside table.

"Your dad and I are leaving now, honey. Do you need something?" my mom says as she peeks her blonde head inside my room.

Mom and dad are both blond. So clearly I'm blonde too. But I have undoubtedly taken my eyes from my mom.

"No, I'll see you later at the fair" I reply distractedly as I pretend to be interested in my reading.

"Are you going to have dinner with us?"

"Yeah. Wait for me, please. I won't be late."

"Okay." She smiles. "I love you, honey."

"Love you too, mom."

And then she leaves closing the door behind her.

Snorting, I get up from my bed and I throw myself under the steaming gush of the shower. The heat of the water helps me clear my mind, at least a little. It would be amazing to stay here and being caressed by this warm, but I think I allowed to myself more time than I should have.

I step out the shower stall, I pick up a pair of dark trousers and a white sweater and I lay them out on my bed. Even getting ready to go out feels so mechanical today. My gesture comes automatic, without my actual control of it.

I hurry to the bathroom to brush my hair and put a light make up on. I look at myself in the mirror one last time to see if I'm okay. It seems like I am.

_Oh, I forgot! Smile Quinn! Yes exactly like that_!

Okay, now it's better.

I grab my bag, my Reflex and a denim jacket, to be sure. It's an autumn with unusually mild temperature for this period, but it could become colder during the night and I prefer not to risk.

I leave my house and I let the air full of nice smells overwhelm me. I decide to walk to the fair and leave my car parked in the driveway. I'll come home with my parents later. Also, even if it will sound pathetic, I like to feel the creak of the dry leaves under my feet.

At this time, there is nobody in the streets, everybody is already at the fair probably. The sun is setting behind the houses and its last rays, warm and intense, touch my cheeks. It would be wonderful to stop a little more in this moment.

* * *

><p>The Autumn fair is held in a big garden behind the city hall. I don't spend too much time reaching my destination. In fact, I see the first groups of people chatting and laughing, the Ferris wheel in the distance and the gastronomic stands. In a while I found myself absorbed in the feisty atmosphere, making my way through the crowd.<p>

I glance around to look for my parents. As soon as I see them, I make a gesture with my hand and I decide to wander through the benches and take some pictures. I don't see anything that wasn't there last year, and the previous one, and the previous again.

Maybe this is the reason why I would have stayed gladly at home? Knowing that I wouldn't have found nothing new?

Yeah, maybe.

I take some pictures around: kids chasing each other on the grass, the school band… And what is that? A stage? So it seems like this year something new has been inserted in the program.

A poster nearby catches my eye. At 11 p.m. a firework show is expected. Oh, that's amazing! I love fireworks! I can't keep from smiling at the idea.

I come across some of my friends from school in the meantime. I haven't already figured out why their head lowers when they greet me. I mean, I don't bite. On the outside school is exactly as in the hallways: I read terror mixed with respect in their eyes and here they are, running off scared after they have done their subject's duty.

I don't think that this is the effect I want to have on people. At least not anymore. I begin to feel uncomfortable in this situation and maybe being nominated for two consecutive years Homecoming Queen doesn't help. No, I think it doesn't.

The rumble in my stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten yet. I get in line at the first stand I find and I wait for my turn, then I join my parents and some of their friends.

Usual questions. How is school going, the cheerleading team, college, _"how beautiful you have become!"_

I rapidly eat and I speed away before my mom asks me why I'm there alone. I want neither to put up with her questions nor to answer her. To be true, I wouldn't know how to answer and I should explain a lot of things. A minefield to absolutely avoid.

I stop to talk with my teammates. Usual gossips. Who broke up with who, who is dating who, who cheated on who. I turn around just in time to see Finn who is coming with his friends. He sees me too, but he instantly turns away.

Suddenly the girls fall silent and it all feels awkward. Santana hurries in finding a new topic. It's not hard to understand that he is still mad at me for breaking up with him. I would like to get to him and explain again that he is not the problem, that I care about him, but we weren't meant to be.

He still stares at me with those wounded eyes. It hurts me, but I've done the right thing. Only affection was tying us. And routine. I hope we'll still be friends one day, when his rage will be gone and he'll understand that it was the right thing to do.

I now realize that the stage is filled up and a different kind of music has started. I try to catch some note from the distance. Maybe later I should get closer and take some pictures of them too.

Meanwhile Finn keeps staring at me and I begin to feel uncomfortable. Why everything has to be so hard?

I try to get involved in the conversation again, but I'm not sure of what Santana is talking about. Not even chatting about some rival in love of someone I-don't-remember-the-name helps me to not think about Finn looking daggers at me. I certainly need to take a walk and ride off from here. So, I say goodbye to my teammates with the excuse of having to take pictures and greeting someone.

I come near the stage while a song is ending. The guy with a guitar says something that I don't grasp and starts playing.

_I know this one_, I think by myself satisfied. It's _Smile_ by Charlie Chaplin.

For now, it has achieved his purpose because I am smiling indeed. One of that smile that comes in the right moment. I get the lens closer to my eyes, but I immediately lower my Reflex because what I see is definitely not worth to be filtered through lens.

One of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen is right in front of me. Time and my heart stop. I only hear her voice, warm and velvet, that caresses my ears. Words come to me directly and I realize that it was exactly what I wanted to hear today. Heaven couldn't choose a better messenger to carry out this task.

She sings with her eyes closed and I wish she opened it, even if I know deep down in my heart that I run the risk of getting lost in them.

The song ends and the magic with it. I come back to reality, I look around to make sure that I am exactly where I think I am. So I was not dreaming. When did all these people arrive by the way?

That tiny girl disappears from my sight. I spend the following half hour taking pictures and asking myself if she will come back. And then she comes back. She sings another song and then one again. I don't know any of them, but she can sing whatever she wants. A voice like that should never be turned off.

I take some other pictures. I really think that I will make a copy of this roll when I come home.

The concert is over and the musicians and the singers are introduced. I didn't understand anything of what they said because I've been lost in her smile.

Maybe I should have paid more attention.

Has that man already said her name? No, I don't think so. He is following the order of their disposition on the stage, so she hasn't been introduced yet. Right? Yes, it has to be like this, without any doubts.

There, he says it now. Rachel. Her name is Rachel. I think it has become my favorite word.

Rachel Rachel Rachel.

I see her coming down the stage and running to hug two men. They must be her parents. Well, nothing strange on having two dads. I think I have already met them somewhere. She looks thrilled and they seem so proud of her. The taller one is crying.

I barely hold back a smile in front of this scene. I can't stop staring at her. She's like a magnet for my eyes.

Suddenly I come to my senses, I take a look around and hope that nobody is watching me. I could look like a stalker right now. I'd laugh, but then I would look even more crazy.

It sparks to my mind the idea of going to talk to her. But her parents are there and I don't want to bother, that's it. And I don't even know her.

Oh God, they are hugging her right now and going away. She is completely alone now. Should I go and say hi?

I don't know from where this bravery is coming from, but I'm walking towards her. My legs move on their own way, as if they were driven by a mysterious force. I'm a few feet away from her.

_What the hell are you doing, Quinn?_

I'm still in time to switch away.

No, there is no time. She has seen me and she is looking at me with that breathtaking smile. I could think up an excuse and ask her about what time is it. Yes, just to know how much time is left until the fireworks show starts.

Problem solved.

No, kidding. That's not solved at all. I have a watch on my wrist. I'm an idiot.

What do I do? It's too late now, I'm screwed.

"Hi!" I say suddenly.

I can't believe I said it. I crack a half smile, trying to be as natural as possible.

"Hi!" she says back, with that beautiful smile printed on her face. And that voice... Even when she talks she seems an angel.

_Well, now? Make up something, come on! _

"Uhm… congratulations! I-I heard you singing a moment ago. You sing wonderfully" I improvise.

I can't look myself in a mirror, but I bet that I just blushed.

_Try to control yourself, Fabray! You did not ask her out._

"Thank you. You are very nice for telling me that" she reply, faking embarrassment.

I think she knows very well that she is an amazing singer.

But wait… Did she just say that I'm nice or am I dreaming? She said it, right?

I must have an incomprehensible expression because she is scrutinizing me with a questioning face. Also, she seems a little amused.

I need to calm down, now!

She stretches out her hand to me looking right into my eyes.

"I'm Rachel, by the way."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Quinn."

Well, at least I said something that doesn't make me look like a little girl at her first day of school. That's an improvement.

She turns around to somebody who has just called her and she nods. Then she turns again to face me.

"Sorry, I need to go and take my stuff. If you are here after the fireworks, we'll see each other around, okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, sure…"

I don't hide a bit of delusion, but I eventually put on one of my best smiles.

She waves and goes to the backstage. I watch her going away and, for the second time tonight, I wish I'll see her again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Baby you're a firework_

* * *

><p>I stand still in this position a little more.<p>

Watching Rachel going away, while only a minute ago she was right here in front of me, makes me feel like a cold shower just drained on me, without any warning.

Having no choice, I turn around and I decide to catch up with my parents at their table. I make my way through the crowd, but it's like I'm not the person who is doing it. My movements appear like in slow motion, the sounds and the voices are muffled. I feel a grip in my stomach that becomes more intense as time passes by and I get the feeling that I have forgotten something.

I collapse on the seat beside my mother, confused and incapable of thinking properly. The images flow rapidly in my head. I'm not sure I have realized what just happened yet.

I actually talked to her! I become aware only now of the fact that I was able to come up to her and start a conversation. Conversation that has been interrupted on its start, by the way.

But I talked to her, right?

I don't understand why I feel like I'm on the clouds, how could a person I just met have this effect on me. I feel dazed, as if someone had kicked me. But it's a sensation so amazing that I'd do it all over again, if only I could. But I can't…

First of all, I don't even know if I will see her again. And then, what is the thing that really attracts me to her? Her voice? Her eyes? Her lips? Or maybe it's purely the fact that it seems like she has been sent here only to be noticed by me, so that I could see her above everything else.

I shake my head at the thought. I don't think it'd be possible. And it's not possible because she is a girl. I can't have this kind of feelings for a girl. I can't think about her lips in that way. I can't think about her.

I'm not allowed, it's not normal. It's not me. I can't do it. I am probably imagining everything.

Or maybe I'm going crazy. Or I've already lost my mind and I didn't notice it.

Yes, that's it.

"Are you okay, Quinnie?" My mother briskly interrupts my thoughts.

I realize only now that I was staring into space. She looks at me with a worried look.

She speaks again. "It seems like you saw a ghost."

She isn't exactly a ghost, but I'm sure she is an otherworldly creature. It's a good sign that I can still be ironical in spite of everything.

I turn to face her and I try to reassure her. "It's ok, mom." I smile. "I was only thinking about some things. Nothing important."

But it is important. It has already become important, even if I can't even explain it to myself.

And it's at this point that my mom touches the topic I feared the most: Finn.

I knew it would happen tonight. It had to happen sooner or later. She makes me know that she has not seen us talking and that he doesn't stop staring at me whenever I'm near him. I didn't tell her that we broke up. That I broke up with him. I didn't tell her anything and now, as the manual of the model mother, she torments me. A classic.

"We are not together anymore, mom" I explain. "It… it wasn't working anymore." I say the sentence sighing, wanting to lose a burden that I don't want to carry anymore. But the burden is still there.

She turns completely towards me inspecting me as if I had told her the most upsetting truth ever. She tells me that she doesn't understand the reason, that we seemed so happy together, that there has to be a way to fix things and solve the problem.

Honestly, I'm not listening to her. There isn't any problem and there is no way I would come back to that relationship. I made my decision and I'm not coming back.

The first firecracker interrupts what was becoming a monologue by now. I decide that later I would have thanked whoever loves me from above. I get up with the excuse of wanting to change place and find a better view to take other pictures.

"Are you coming home with us?" she asks before I run away.

"Uhm… Yes, yes. We'll catch up later" I answer quickly.

My mother shouts that she isn't done with her speech, but I'm already too far away to answer.

The show lasts a discrete number of minutes. Green, yellow, red, blue and violet fountains light up the sky and for a moment I enter another world, absorbed in those colorful lights and abstracted in the sound of the firecrackers. I keep my eyes focused on the show and everything else stops existing, even if for a moment.

The usual last three shoots come to announce the end and take me back to reality. It's like waking up from a dream. I bring back my eyes at my viewing height and I direct my gaze to the person in front of me, distant about ten meters from my position. I can't look at myself in a mirror but I bet that girl has the same fascinated expression as me right now. She has a huge smile on her face and her eyes are shiny. She seems absorbed in a world that only she knows.

Then she sees me, her eyes light up again and she waves to be recognized, ignoring the fact that she is the only thing I see and she doesn't need to struggle that much.

She comes to me rapidly, always with that smile on her lips, and I feel like my legs are fixed on the ground, my heart beats faster and I'm totally incapable of movement. She is in front of me again and I can't believe it.

"Hi, Quinn!" she greets me cheerfully.

For a moment I think I lost the ability to talk, then I reply. "Hello, Rachel!"

I struggle in every way possible to not make her see the storming of emotions that rages on me. I'm not sure of the results though. I force myself to recompose, I breathe deeply and I relax.

_Try to not seem stupid, Quinn. _

"Did you like the show?" she asks me.

Fortunately, starting a conversation helps me loosen up. I take a breath to calm down and I hope with all my heart that she doesn't notice how tense I am.

"A lot! I love fireworks" I reply politely.

"Me too!"

I take advantage of a brief moment of lucidity to observe her again. She is a bit shorter than me, long brown hair hang on her shoulders and bangs fall on two big chocolate eyes.

She points out my camera with a gesture of her head. "Have you succeeded in taking good pictures?"

I turn my Reflex in my hands and I look at it like it's a foreign object I've never seen in my life. "Oh. Yeah, I took a lot of pictures actually. They are for the local newspaper. They asked me to do it a while ago so here I am!" I indicate with my head the space around, then I focus again on Rachel.

"Well, you must be very talented if they asked you personally then."

Was it a compliment? It totally sounded like a compliment.

"I took a lot of pictures during your concert too. I'd like to make you see them when I develop them" I say, blushing a little.

I'm aware of the fact that I'm rushing the things. I take for granted that we'll see each other again when I don't even know if she likes my company. To be honest, I don't know anything about her yet.

"I'd be very happy, Quinn."

There is sincerity in her voice and my worries disappear right away. I feel relieved and an electric discharge goes through my body. We smile at each other, I get lost in her eyes and the world seems to stop. It's incredible that she manages to make me feel vulnerable and comfortable at the same time.

"Are you here with your friends?" she asks, playing with a sod on the ground.

"I met my friends and my teammates, and there are also my parents" I reply. "Actually, I came alon-"

I can't finish the sentence because I catch sight of Finn leaning against a tree a few feet away, rounded by some of his football teammates. Again that hurt and questioning look. The feeling that is not on that face is resignation. I believe it'd be better for him if it was there.

Rachel follows the direction of my eyes, understanding the cause of my sudden silence. She turns again to face me, eyes lowered and a pensive expression. She cleans her throat, she seems in discomfort.

"Would you like to take a walk around?" she suddenly asks me. "Maybe a peaceful place, it's too noisy here."

I'm grateful of the fact that she immediately understood and, relieved, I nod. "I think it's a great idea."

She goes before me and, not seeing me, she turns around, still with that astonishing smile printed on her face.

"So what, can we go?" She tilts lightly her head on one side while she waits for my answer.

I think I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Or maybe I simply ran out of air. I reach her in a hurry and we make together for the exit of the park.

* * *

><p>We walk around the fair's area. The streets are completely empty and the only sound is the clop of our steps on the sidewalk. A dog barks in the distance.<p>

"Are you from Lima? I've never seen you around here" I ask.

"Yes, I live nearby." She points out on the right. "My house is a few blocks away."

I take on a questioning face. "But you don't attend McKinley, right? I would have already seen you otherwise."

_I couldn't not notice you. _

"No, I don't go to McKinley, that's why you have never seen me." She seems amused for my confusion. "I've always studied at home."

"Oh." Now it all makes sense.

"I've been singing since I was a little girl and I take part of a lot of theatrical shows" she continues. "With all the tasks I've never had time to study in a real school. So my parents chose to give me a private education."

"I understand" I say.

"How is McKinley instead?"

The question leaves me bewildered. I would tell her that it's a normal high school, but I nearly forget that Rachel must have no idea of how high school works.

"It's… ordinary" I decide to answer then. I don't know how to answer otherwise. "A bit boring sometimes" I add hurriedly after thinking about it a bit.

She giggles and asks me, "So I'm not missing anything then?"

I shake my head and I turn to face her. "No, you aren't missing anything."

_Except for me, _I say to myself. But I don't have the courage to say it out loud. I wouldn't have the courage.

* * *

><p>We keep walking and talking about us and our interests. I find out that she worships Barbra Streisand since forever and that she took part of a lot of musicals. I, on the other hand, talk about school, the Cheerios and my passion for photography.<p>

I also find out that both of us like to read and we have very similar tastes in music and movies. My only flaw is that I've never seen _Funny Girl_. I think I should fix this if I want to keep seeing her.

Well, I'm just kidding. C'mon, she's not that bossy.

We reach a green area and sit down on a bench lighted up by a lamppost. I temporarily run out of topics of conversation. I'm aware of the fact that her proximity often dulls my mind. I could stare at her without thinking for ages.

Rachel seems to be watching an undefined point in the distance and it's like not even she wants to break the silence. So I stare at my boots, embarrassed, while I hurry in finding something to say, but at this point it's her to open her mouth first and to forestall me.

"Was he your boyfriend?"

I understand that she is talking about Finn. Here there is another question that I didn't expected. Or maybe yes. I presume it's legitimate to ask me that after the scene she attended.

"_Was_ is the term more appropriate" I reply, flat.

She ponders a moment before asking me another question. "Have you been together for a long time?"

I fix up the beret on my head. "For about a year" I cut short. I don't want to embark on this subject. Even if I'm content of my choice, I don't like how Finn is reacting. It hurts me anyway even if I am not the one who's been dumped.

Rachel must have noticed my discomfort because she quickly apologizes. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be intrusive. We don't have to talk about it."

"No, you don't have to worry" I reassure her with a warm smile. "It was a simple question, you didn't do anything bad."

She seems relieved. I don't want her to think that I find her inappropriate. To be true, I find myself suddenly free to speak, after having spent two weeks repeating it only to myself. I wasn't even clear with him on the reasons.

"I broke up with Finn two weeks ago. But he didn't take it too well. I think you noticed it" I explain.

She replies even before I finish the sentence. "Yes, I noticed it."

She reciprocates my smile. I get lost again in that sweet and honest look and I feel like I can tell her what I want, like I can trust her. I find all of this incredible considering that I met her only two hours ago, but I never felt so in sync with someone before now. I've never felt this way, ever.

"I care a lot about him, but the problem is exactly this. I realized that I feel only affection" I go on explaining.

I stop to think a moment and find the right words to express myself. "To everyone's eyes we were the perfect couple. Me as captain of the cheerleaders and him as captain of the football team. Everybody admired us and everybody wanted to be us, but something didn't work anyway. It was like it was missing something between us, like…"

"Passion?" Rachel finishes instead of me.

We turn towards each other, our gazes chained. We keep staring at each other for a time that seems endless and I find myself unable to interrupt that connection.

She inspects me so intensely that it's like she is trying to read something in me. Or maybe she is only waiting for me to give her an answer.

"Right" I finally reply with a whisper. "There wasn't passion."

Her eyes linger on mine. I can't decipher her expression and I ask myself if she can do it with mine.

She clears her throat and we both turn away elsewhere. I feel like I'm blushing and I try to cover the red on my cheeks.

The moment we were staring at each other I felt a spark. Was it only me? I hope not.

I would like to live again that instant because I really don't realize what happened. I wish I could understand.

Rachel presses the fabric of her dress with her hands and she stands up.

"Come on, I'll offer you something to drink" she tells me with enthusiasm, the embarrassment of one moment ago disappeared.

And I can't do nothing else than get up and follow her.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note<strong>: I think it's time for a little note. I want to say some things before you undertake this journey. I wrote this story a looong time ago, so I've already finished it. I. Every chapter takes its title from a song line. As you can see from my profile, I'm not mothertongue, but give me a chance and I'm sure you won't regret it. Agree? : )

I'll post the chapter 3 this week-end and then I'll start posting weekly on Tuesday.

Oh, and if there are some tvd fans out there... Yes, the last scene between Rachel and Quinn has been inspired by a Stelena scene.

Thanks in advance for your support and trust!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

'_Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth_

* * *

><p>Rachel hands me out a cup of paper full of hot cappuccino to the brim and she places hers on the counter in order to get to take her wallet.<p>

She smiles at the clerk as she hands him out a bill. I watch every little gesture as if it was something extraordinary, as if it was the first time I see something like that. To be true, I feel like I started using my eyes only from the moment I placed them on the girl with the phenomenal voice in front of me.

The liquid is burning my hand, but it doesn't seem to matter that much. When Rachel smiles, on the sides of her mouth appear two adorable dimples. I find this much more interesting. The warm on my hand is irrelevant in comparison.

I take her cup too and we get out.

"Thanks Quinn" she says when I hand her out her cappuccino.

We walk away a lot from where we were, but I don't mind making all the way back with her.

I rapidly check my phone to see if there are calls or messages from my parents. Or from Finn. Rachel seems to read my mind.

"Do you think your parents will be worried?" she asks, pointing the phone with her hand.

"You didn't warn them and maybe they didn't want her little girl to go too far away at this time of the night" she says with a smirk.

Is she making fun of me? I stay astonished as I try to figure her tone out.

"Just kidding!" She bursts into laugh, lightly pushing my arm.

I drink a sip of my cappuccino that makes my tongue burn.

"They should be more worried about the company rather than the distance, in case" I provoke her, ignoring the acute pain in my mouth.

Rachel laughs loudly again.

"Seriously!? Well you can relieve, I am not a psycho. I'm not going to take you to my cellar to torture you and put salt on your bruises, if that's what you think."

I shiver at the idea. This girl watches too many horror movies.

"No, this is not what I was thinking, absolutely." I turn to face her. "But I don't even know your surname, for example."

"My full name is Rachel Barbra Berry" she says, fiercely.

"Barbra? As that Barbra?" I ask, emphasizing the name.

She rolls her eyes, pretending to be offended by my incredulity.

"Yes okay, go ahead, make fun of me! My dads decided my name already knowing perfectly how my future would have been. It's a sign of fate" she swells with pride.

I glance at her, a little amused.

"It's true!" Rachel screams within the laughter.

"And tell me, what does that future you're talking about involve then?"

"I will go to Broadway and I will become a star. It's everything I've ever wanted."

I get back to be serious for a moment. "I'm sure you will do it, Rachel."

She resumes staring at me with a strange light in her eyes, as if she knew I am telling the truth and that I'm not joking anymore.

"That's nice, Quinn."

That light doesn't leave her eyes. Follows a moment of awkwardness. I take another sip of cappuccino in order to keep me occupied.

Rachel clears her throat. Again that playful tone. "Yes, you are very kind, Quinn… Quinn?" She turns to me. "See? You didn't tell me your surname either!".

She fakes a pout that I cannot help but find adorable.

"Quinn Fabray" I burst out with a jeering tone. "And please, cut it out!" I add, glancing up to the sky.

We burst into laugh again. A spontaneous laugh that shows how much two perfect strangers, walking down an empty street with two cappuccinos in their hands, can be so comfortable with each other.

All of this is surprising. I lost the moment we got along so easily, putting aside our embarrassment and starting what I hope it to be a friendship.

Actually, Rachel's never been like that, shy I mean. She doesn't seem exactly that type of person. Very theatrical sometimes maybe, but it's a personality that attracts, a magnet that draws you to her without asking your permission. It's impossible not to be fascinated by her.

I look furtively at her again. She's taking another sip from her cup.

My eyes run from her mouth to her throat, observing the movement of the line of her esophagus while she swallows. She licks her lips to remove some drops of cappuccino left.

I wonder if I will bump into a pole tonight.

* * *

><p>We arrive in the same open space we seated a moment ago. We go back to sit on the bench, our cups still in our hands.<p>

I rapidly look at my watch: almost midnight. My parents must be looking for me. I almost forgot I told them to wait for me before going home. I find myself hoping that Rachel owns a car and that she offers me a ride, but a trace of delusion passes on my face as I remember that her house is few blocks away. Rachel must have come by foot at the party.

The night is coming to an end and I'm scared that it will remain only the memory of these hours spent with her. I fight off the thought.

"What are your plans for the future?"

Rachel takes me back to reality. A beautiful reality.

I quickly swallow and I take a deep breath. The topic requests it. "I took in consideration various colleges, but I want to apply for Yale and Columbia mostly. These are those I'm interested in the most. Actually, I hope with all my heart that they will accept me in the photography course in Columbia University. It would be wonderful for me."

"So it's not a hobby" she states.

"I would like it to be something more."

Rachel squeaks excited. "That's amazing, Quinn!"

She squeezes my thigh and I feel my cup slip from my hand.

"Until when can you apply?" she asks me then, unaware of the fight I'm engaging with my nerves.

"Uhm… Until mid-December for both. I'm defining the last details now. Then I only have to send them and wait." I shrug my shoulders, waiting for her to say something.

"If you will attend Columbia University, we will be both in NY next year" she tells me, excited.

I stare at her, aware of the fact that Columbia has gained more importance than Yale and all the other colleges in few seconds.

"Well, because I will be admitted into NYADA, of course" she adds in hurry, first lifting her chin, then furtively looking at me.

I burst into laugh hearing her snobbish tone and she laughs with me. Again those adorable dimples on her face.

"Have you already sent your application?" I ask.

Rachel shakes her head. "Not yet. I'm preparing it actually. I'll have to wait for the answer and then in the spring I'll have to do an audition in front of an examiner and it will be definitely crucial."

She tries to gloss over her worries, but I get a glimpse of fear in her sight and in the way she nervously runs her hand over her pants.

"When it will be the moment, you will leave everyone without words, trust me" I say before I can control myself.

Again she looks at me right in the eyes, a lot of unspoken thoughts and words that wish to be spoken, but they remain stuck. There is only that particular light she has already saved for me two times tonight.

"Thanks Quinn. You're so kind."

I do nothing but smile in return.

"I can understand why he took badly your break up" she calmly says after a brief pause.

I quickly turn around. Maybe too quickly.

"Who? Finn?" I ask with my voice almost altered.

Rachel nods. "Yes, Finn!" she shrugs as if it's obvious what she is about to say. "It's normal that he took it in that way when you broke up with him, I mean…"

She leaves the sentence pending and she doesn't add anything more.

To my part I don't ask her to give me a further explanation. Her cheeks are lightly red and her eyes shift to the tip of her shoes.

Is it possible that she is embarrassed?

I mutter an awkward and shy "thanks" and then I stay silent.

I can't think about anything more intelligent to say. It would be easier if she stopped staring at me like that. Or if she stopped staring at me at all.

I concentrate again on my cup that suddenly becomes interesting. It's almost empty. I take another sip, longer this time.

Rachel giggles. "You have a smudge of cappuccino. Right here."

I'm not sure if I grasped it. "Sorry, what?" I ask, dazed.

But before I become aware of it, her hand is on my face, her thumb pressing on the corner of my lips. I hold my breath at the contact and freeze as ice. Her gaze is focused on my mouth and her finger moves slowly, back and forth. Our eyes meet each other and I completely forget how to breath.

She is so close and so beautiful. I would like to get closer.

And then my phone vibrates in my pocket.

We both startle at the noise, but her hand doesn't leave my face.

"The phone… It's vibrating" Rachel tells me, almost in a whisper.

_Mom_, I read on the display. I snort annoyed and I take the call.

They are looking for me, it's time to go home. She asks me where I am and I wish I could answer "on the clouds" or "I have no idea", but I only tell her that I would be there in 5 minutes.

Rachel keeps looking down. She seems displeased. I wish she was as displeased as I am.

I hang up and sigh heavily.

"Do you have to go?" Rachel asks me even if she already knows the answer.

I try to gloss over my disappointment. "Yes, they are waiting for me". I can't say anything more.

"That's a pity, though. I was about to ask you to go for a ride on the Ferris wheel."

I swallow my entire heart at the news. "Really?"

"Really" she replies. "You can enjoy a good view of the city at that height."

I grunt. "Wow. A very breathtaking view**, **Lima by night, I have to say." I grin sarcastically.

Rachel laughs. "C'mon, don't be that mean."

"I'm being realist."

"No, you're mean. Lima is not the most beautiful city in the world, but I can recognize a breathtaking view when I see one" she says, staring intensely at me.

"I'm not putting a question mark over it" I stammer.

"You have to go anyway. There will be other occasions, I hope."

"Yeah, I hope too."

"I'll go back to my dads then" she says, glancing around awkwardly.

Silence. Too much silence.

I get up from the bench. I don't even know how to say goodbye to her. I'm going away and I don't know if I will see her again for real.

I'm about to turn around and I see her hesitating for a moment.

"Next Friday I'm doing a stage show. Not any show, it's Funny Girl actually" she says with a satisfied smile. "If you aren't busy, I would like you to come. We could see each other when it's over."

I remain open-mouthed. I will be able to see her again then? Her look is hopeful.

"I'm not busy. I will gladly come, Rachel" I answer, content.

She jumps like a baby, clapping her hands. "Amazing! So, we'll see on Friday, right?"

"Yes, sure!"

"Perfect!"

She gives me a quick hug, a little nervous and hurried. She smiles at me when she pulls back.

"Goodnight, Quinn."

"Goodnight, Rachel."

She turns around and walks away.

I keep staring at her cutout while she goes away, trying to process all the things that happened tonight. I think I ended up in serious troubles.

I go back to my parents and while we go to the car I'm silent.

"Where have you been, honey? We haven't seen you at the fair for a while!" my mom asks worried.

I get on the back seat, closing the port behind me. "I was wandering around, nothing important" I answer, flat.

I hear my dad asking if I had fun. I make a sound of approval. I stay in silence for all the way back and I watch the houses and the gardens flowing in front of me.

The problem now will be how to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow hoping it wasn't all a dream.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_There is a hope beyond this night_

* * *

><p>Waking up the next morning brought two certainties: to begin with, everything that had happened only a few hours earlier neither was the result of hallucinations nor a very vivid dream; the second is that Rachel Berry is without any doubt one of those people who you happen to meet a once in a lifetime, if you're lucky enough. One of those people who you notice as they walk in a crowded room and immediately think "I have to know her" even if you ignore completely the reason. There is a strange force that attracts you to her and you have to just do it, no questions asked.<p>

Yesterday was all real. Rachel is real. And it is so perfectly true that it's almost hard to believe. I would not believe it if someone told me. I would consider anyone crazy even if they swore that they had met a girl like her.

I'm not proud of it and in part I'm ashamed, but before falling asleep I found myself saying _Please, let it be real_ several times before I realized what an idiot I was, talking to myself in my room, in the dark, at night.

The idea that Rachel is real and she's right here breathing my own air, makes me find this city less stuffy and less boring. I could say that I am almost sorry to have to leave in September, but then I remember what she said about New York and college, and possible regrets vanish. With all probability, we will live in the same city again and it's a perspective that I love imagining, with due caution of course.

In the end I don't know anything about this girl, I've never seen her before or even heard of her. Despite the fact that her personality is far more expansive than mine, she keeps being surrounded by an aura of mystery that the more you want to thin out the more and more it thickens. She seems to have fallen from the clouds or arrived from a parallel world. I seriously had several times the feeling of being the only one able to see her, no matter how stupid this thought seemed.

And it is equally silly to continue thinking about it while I'm sitting at the kitchen table, taking spoonfuls of milk and cereal and then make them fall carelessly into the bowl. I can't see how that ducky can have become the center of my thoughts for few hours now. And the plan for next week will be having eyes fully focused on Friday night.

Why would she ask me to go to the show if she didn't want to see me again?

And I want to see her again. Friday night is the only lifeline left for me to spend more time with her.

I get up from the chair with a sigh and reach the sink behind me. I place the bowl with a thud and I look out the window at the trees in the garden.

A leaf in shades of orange falls from the maple and I watch it as it settles on the grass.

At the end of the day, we are not so different.

* * *

><p>As expected, the week went so slowly that I was starting to lose hope. The classes, the trainings with the Cheerios, the hours spent studying, seemed to never end.<p>

But now here I am, in front of the theater and more than happy to have avoided a party in which Santana has tried in every way to drag me. I'm exactly where I want to be and where I dreamed I would be all week.

I would have arrived sooner if only I hadn't lost more than half an hour dressing and undressing, overturning every drawer of the closet and senselessly piling up all my clothes on my bed. And I would have definitely earned another quarter of an hour if I hadn't looked at myself in the rear-view mirror once I got in the car and if I hadn't suddenly decided that straight hair were not the most suitable choice for the night. And that's why I hurl up the stairs to turn on the curling iron.

_Why are you so nervous?_ I say to myself while I head to the box office. The woman behind the counter smiles at me and asks me how many tickets I want.

"Only one, thank you" I answer smiling back.

I hand over a bill of 5 dollars on the counter and I take the ticket. "Funny Girl" is the writing on the piece of paper. It will be the first time I watch it, I chose to not watch the film in order to save me the surprise tonight.

I reach my seat and I sit near to an old couple. I nervously tap with my feet on the floor and I look around. In the theater there are more people than I expected. I look at my clock. There are only ten minutes left until the show starts and it seems a lot. I look at the pamphlet that someone gave me in the hall, I keep turning the watch on my wrist. I don't know how to kill time anymore.

But it's when I take my phone from the bag to turn it off that the theater becomes dark and the curtain opens.

* * *

><p>The lights turn on again and I can feel my hands itch for applauding so much. I smile as I get up to walk towards the exit of the theater and I do not stop once I get out .<p>

It's been two and a half hours incredible. I didn't think that I would like it that much.

And Rachel.

Rachel was simply magnificent. I was already aware of her talent, but I have to admit that she is even more extraordinary.

I stay in the small space out of the building and wait for her to come out. I wonder if she remembers me and inviting me here tonight. The silly fear that she might not remember the girl who took pictures of fireworks assails like a grip in my stomach, but running away would be dumb now.

In the meantime, small flows of people continue to leave the theater. Some people gather in scattered groups to talk and discuss with each other about what they have just seen. I try to catch the eye with every man or woman to recognize some other cast member (or Rachel), but I don't think I've ever seen these people.

Ten minutes pass, then twenty and lastly half a hour. I wonder if this is the right choice, if it would be more logical to call Santana, make me give the address and join everyone at the party. I wonder if I weighed the situation correctly, whether it's right to believe in this bet.

I breathe deeply in the air of the night and I cling into my jacket. A guy on the corner of the street plays the guitar what I acknowledge is _She is the sunlight_. It is hardly anyone left at the entrance and I contemplate the possibility that the cast came out of a side door, when I hear a voice behind me.

"So you actually came."

I turn around and Rachel is there, smiling and radiant as I left her last week.

I get close to her slowly. "I promised you, right?" I throw it there, faking indifference.

Actually, I feel my knees tremble and I fear that I might pass out at any moment.

"You promised me. Yes."

"So here I am."

The guitar is still playing what to my ears sounds like a bell jar, almost in the distance, even if we are only few meters apart. The moon appears from the clouds and under that light Rachel's eyes look even brighter.

"So? What do you think? Did you like the-"

"Rachel!" The guy that played the part of Mr Arnstein calls her. We both direct our attention to her friends from the cast.

"So? Are you coming?" he asks.

Rachel hesitates for a moment before answering and then she turns to me. I can't hide a bit of disappointment. Maybe we have to say goodbye again and we only talked for a few minutes. And I still don't know if I will ever see her again.

"They were thinking of going somewhere to celebrate. You know... It was a success and we are all very happy with how things went" she says, a hint of apology in her voice.

"Oh yes. Sure. I see" I can only say.

"But you can come with us if you want! I think there is no problem for them."

Rachel's gaze is guilty, almost worried about not being able to be forgiven.

I'm not sure there is anything to forgive, anyway. A part of me is secretly happy to see her efforts in trying to make me stay, and the other feels like a complete idiot.

"Rachel, there is no problem, really" I try to reassure her, even though it really isn't what I would want to say. "It's a tradition to celebrate when a show goes well."

I give her a flick on her shoulder and I crack a big smile.

She seems disappointed by my stubbornness. Does she really want me to join them?

I suddenly feel guilty. I wonder if I've imagined it all and if I have misunderstood her intentions. Maybe she didn't mean that we would have gone out after the show.

"Rachel, are you coming?" they call her again.

"Just give me a second" she shouts at the group of guys.

She returns her attention to me, an expression a bit pleading and a bit of blame on her face.

"Quinn, please don't make me beg you" she complains. "Please, come with us! I'm not going if you're not with me."

Her words hit me like fiery arrows. Did she really say that?

"Okay okay! I'll come, I'll come" I finally declare.

Rachel cheers clapping and hopping like a child. A behavior that I've already seen and that, despite the absurdity, I cannot help but find adorable.

"We are coming!" she shouts in the direction of the cast.

I can't hold back a smile. Hearing that "we" causes me a strange effect, like snow melting in the stomach.

"Come with me" I say leading the way. "My car is parked there."

She follows me, excited and hurries to come next to me, and then say "You'll take me home later on, won't you?"

I stop for a moment and I'm left dazed, confused, and at last dazzled by her personality.

"Yeah, I'll take you home" I sigh, smiling.

But Rachel is already next to the passenger door and she is too far away to hear me.

* * *

><p>The rest of the night passes by quietly. Rachel's friends are all very nice and they ask me my impressions of the musical. I compliment them all, dwelling especially on Rachel's performance. I can swear to have seen her blush when I said that during <em>My man<em> I got goose bumps.

We leave the place all together and then me and Rachel drive to her house, going on discussing about the show. Once we get in front of the house, I realize that I passed by it other times.

I recognize it for the big maple in the garden, that looks like the one in mine.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. And I'm glad you agreed to come tonight" she says, once I've stopped the car near the walkway.

"I couldn't miss it. Also, with what courage I could stand you up?"

"I'd have been offended in fact."

"Actually, you left me waiting out there for a long time" I joke, faking an offended tone.

Rachel laughs. "Excuse me, but a star has the right to make people wait for her."

I hit lightly on her arm, panting.

"Your friends are very good too. And nice" I add warmly.

"Yeah. We are a good group. And I think Mr Arnstein has a crush on you."

I open my eyes wide to the news. "Really?" I ask incredulous.

Rachel nods mischievous. "He wasn't taking his eyes off of you earlier."

I mumble something to deny, but then I stop to ask myself how she noticed this particular.

There is a brief silence and then Rachel speaks again. "I should go now, but before that I need to do another thing."

She rummages in my purse without asking permission and pulls out my phone. I'm about to ask what the hell she's doing, when I see her typing some numbers and bringing the device to her ear. After just one ring, she interrupts the call and takes her phone from her bag. A satisfied smile appears on her face.

"Rachel what have you done?" I finally decide to ask, even if I imagine the answer.

"I saved my number on your phone and I saved yours on mine" she replies calmly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

My breath stuck in my throat. "Excuse me?"

"The explanation is very simple, Quinn. I have no more excuses to ask you to see each other. My next show is at the end of December and I can't even be a hundred percent sure that you will come again" she continues explaining, the same nonchalance in her voice. "I've got your number and you have got mine. I trust that you will make good use of it. Oh, and you also know where I live now."

I merely nod, not sure of what is happening.

"I would never want, for anything in the world, have the opportunity to meet you if by chance we're both jogging in the park at the same time or if we are in the queue at the cash of the supermarket together. It never happened for seventeen years. The odds are not in our favor, Quinn."

She bursts into a laughter that looks more like a cough. Then her gaze softens, her eyes like a chocolate waterfall even in the darkness of the car.

I begin to think that they shine of their own light, just like her.

"Goodnight, Quinn."

She leans in to kiss me on the cheek and her smell reaches me, leaving me stunned. She lingers on my cheek before moving, or at least I have the impression that she is lingering. Time has suddenly slowed.

She comes out of the car and smiles at me, mimicking a "thank you" with her mouth before turning and running towards the door. I see her disappear into the house and I start the engine. On my way home the only thought that goes along with me is that seeing Rachel Berry again is a certainty this time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time_

* * *

><p>The difference between Lima in the middle of autumn and Lima in early December is that the leaves has fallen down from the trees, the temperature has decreased and in the city center the first Christmas decorations begins to appear.<p>

Nothing so special after all, if it wasn't for the fact that being friends with Rachel Berry can make things a hundred times more interesting at any corner of the world you are.

After that Friday night's debut of the musical, we saw each other almost every day.

I spent the last weekends in her company and we really went jogging in the park sometimes. It happened a couple of Saturday mornings. So, no random meetings. All of them were planned, with lots of phone calls and text messages to make agreements.

Santana and my other friends wonder where I spend most of my free time. Quinn Fabray not attending two parties in a row is something you would not believe to. Not that I'm usually the life of the party, but everyone would expect to see the head cheerleader surrounded by her minions at parties thrown by someone from senior year. I mean, this is my last year at McKinley High and I have duties to fulfill.

The great thing about going out with Rachel is that she doesn't know nothing about the stupid school hierarchy. She is not afraid of me, she doesn't treat me like an outclass just because it is due to me, she doesn't lower her gaze at my passage, she is not afraid to face me.

She doesn't behave like everyone else. She looks at me straight in the eyes, she says what she thinks without fear. I can be myself when I'm with her.

That's how it should be with your friends, right?

Friends.

If I think about how nervous I was when we met that night at the theater, I feel the urge to slap myself and tell me how stupid I am. It was nothing out of reach to be able to start a friendship with her. I had nothing to fear.

Then why was I so scared?

In the past weeks we have been to the cinema, to the bookstore and she has crashed me to one of her rehearsals for the musical.

Our tastes in books are very similar, so much that we lent each other a few. Usually I use to not lend, but I decided to make an exception for her.

I was also invited at her house a few times. Her parents were not there, so I haven't met them yet. I only glimpsed them at the Autumn fair. When I meet them, should I have to address both with "Mr. Berry"? Rachel calls them "dad" and "daddy", although I still have not figured out who is "dad" and who is "daddy". I am a bit confused about it. The real names are Hiram and Leroy. Misters Berry will be fine, I think.

Anyway, one of those times we were watching _Evita_ sitting on the couch of her house and Rachel couldn't stop from asking me opinions on every scene. In the end, seeing that I was speaking in monosyllables, I had to admit that I had never seen it and she widened her eyes as if I had just insulted her heavily. My culture in matter of musicals is something that "we must fix", as she said.

I was wrong: she's definitely that bossy. But what can I do if not roll my eyes and laugh?

We've also already bumped into each other and ended up arguing. Sometimes she's so stubborn that drives me crazy. But the times that it happened, the separation lasted only a few minutes.

In those moments I feel the need to punch her and hug her at the same time. I wonder if it is possible such a contrast of feelings.

Perhaps it is not rational nor normal, but thinking about Rachel Berry, there is nothing rational and the term "normal" becomes relative all of a sudden.

* * *

><p>I control for the twentieth time the leafs before inserting them neatly in their respective envelopes.<p>

One for Yale and one for Columbia.

I press strong the upper edges of both to seal them and I re-check the data of the addresser and the sender before piling them on my desk.

Here we go. Now there's no coming back.

The phone lights up and an envelope with the name of Rachel appears on the screen.

_**These rehearsals were never-ending! **_

I burst out laughing, imagining her expression while writing the message. I text quickly the reply.

_Now they are over though : P_

I put down the phone on my desk and I stretch, yawning.

I am a bit nervous for the applications, but now what is done is done. I just have to go to mailbox the envelopes and wait. Wait a few months. Nothing much.

I get another message from Rachel.

_**I didn't believe I would say it, but I'm happy about that. And you, Disney princess? What are you doing? : )**_

My cheeks flush red. What kind of nickname is that? A sweet one, I guess.

_I'm going out to submit my applications for college. I'll go in a few minutes : )_

I leave everything where it is and I run to the bathroom to give me a settled. I brush my hair, and I throw some water on my face. Not that I need make up for a little walk.

I recheck the phone once back in my room. Rachel hasn't written anything else. Where the hell has she gone?

But in the end it's typical of Rachel Berry to complain and then disappear. It took me a few days to figure it out.

With a snort, I throw the phone in my purse and I wear my coat.

The cold air makes me want to go back home immediately, but with reluctance I go ahead along the driveway. I notice immediately a parked car and a shadow beside it. A rather low figure seems to be waiting for someone.

When I'm closer, she notices my presence and turns to face me. A wide smile opens on Rachel's face.

"Hello, Quinn" she greets with a cheer tone of voice, moving forwards a few steps.

I froze instantly, and the outside temperature is not involved.

"Rachel, what are you doing out here with this cold?"

"I've been waiting for you" she says, naturally.

"Me? I thought you were still in the theater?"

"I came here as soon as I finished the rehearsals."

"Why?" I ask more and more confused. "I don't remember we agreed to see each other."

"In fact, we didn't" she cuts short. "I diverted to your home as soon as you told me that you had to go send your applications."

I smile and shake my head in disbelief. I'm not sure I realized what she's trying to tell me.

"Why would you divert to my house for this?" I ask again, insistent.

Rachel's voice lowers and becomes warm enough to make me forget the bitter cold.

"Because it's an important moment for you and I thought that you wanted a little support. So here I am."

I shake my head without saying a word, giving her one of my most sincere smiles.

Rachel Berry can't be real. There is no other explanation.

"Where have you been hiding all this time?"

Rachel opens her eyes wide, bursting into laugh. "I've always been here, Quinn."

"Are you sure?" I narrow my eyes, pretending to be skeptical. "You don't come from another planet, do you?"

"I don't" she answers becoming serious again.

Then she comes next to me and offers me her arm, moving her head in a slight nod.

"So? May I have the honor to escort you to the mailbox?"

I can't hold back a laugh. It would be a ridiculous request if it wasn't so ridiculously sweet.

She is here to support me, to be with me, even if it's only to send the applications. It's as if she was telling me that she supports me for my future decisions, I can count on her for everything, even the smallest.

I can't believe we got so much closer in so little time. It's nothing special, but no one would do such a thing for me.

We walk in silence for several yards up to the mailbox. I look at her before I insert the envelopes. She nods encouragingly and I finally let it go.

Okay. Now it's done.

She links her arm with mine again and we head back to my house.

"How are you feeling?" she asks suddenly.

"More relaxed I think. It's as if I got it off my chest."

She tightens up her grip on my arm, pressing against my side and resting her head on my shoulder. "I'm sure you will be admitted, Quinn. I could bet on it."

I just smile without a reply, glad that she has voiced her opinion. No matter what the percentage of courtesy is.

"You said you wanted to attend the photography course at Columbia, right?"

I nod.

"Well, they can't let a photographer as good as you go."

"How do you know? You haven't seen my photos yet!" I say laughing. But I have to admit that I'm flattered.

"I just know" she squeaks. "Don't ask."

"They are both the most prestigious colleges in the country and I'd be honored in any case" I continue. "But the idea to be in New York for the next years is intriguing. That city has art, modernity and… Everything! I don't know if I made myself clear."

"You absolutely did! New York is New York" she whispers dreamily, glancing up.

"Do you already know what to sing for the final audition, anyway?" I ask then, changing the topic.

She nods. "I will sing _Don't rain on my parade _from_ Funny Girl_. I know it by heart and making it every time for the musical is an excuse to practice. I couldn't sing any other song, I think."

"Are you nervous?"

Rachel shrugs. "A little. The fact is that my whole future depends on that audition." She takes a deep breath and goes on explaining. "I've spent my whole life improving myself day after day and staying focused on my goals. The first one is to go to New York and become a star of Broadway. And NYADA is the main channel to succeed."

I listen to her carefully, not letting anything slip.

"It's the dream of my life and I have to do everything to make it happen" she finishes, simply, quickly glancing at me.

After another brief moment of silence, I talk again. "You don't have to be afraid. You will go to New York and realize your dream."

Rachel frowns. "How can you be so sure?"

"How can I be sure?" I ask, rising my voice and bantering her a little. "You're Rachel Berry! You are already a star! And I'm just so sure. Don't ask."

She turns to look at me and I do the same, smiling at her.

"You just have to go to New York and keep shining. The rest will come by itself" I conclude with a lower tone.

Rachel looks down and moves closer again. I'm pretty sure I saw her blush.

When we're a few meters from my house, some snowflakes, white and delicate, begin to fall on the grass and asphalt.

We stop next to Rachel's car and remain watching the magical sight for a moment.

Now it has started to snow more quickly and in a few minutes there will already be a thin white layer on the surface.

"Thank you, Rachel. I really appreciated your gesture" I say warmly.

Rachel shakes her head, smiling. "I didn't do anything, Quinn."

I shift my weight from foot to foot, playing with my fingers, not sure if to hug her or let it go.

"See you then" she says, making go up in smoke every intention.

I'm about to proceed toward the door when Rachel stops me.

"You know, New York is really beautiful with snow. You should totally see it."

She opens the port and disappears inside the car. I watch her waving at me with her hand and drive away down the road.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around_

* * *

><p>I close the menu and I put it on the table in front of me, on the one placed by Rachel a moment ago. She widely smiles at me, and it's the kind of smile that it's impossible not to reciprocate spontaneously.<p>

"Did you decide what to order?" she asks.

"A pancake and a fruit juice. What about you?"

"I'll take a piece of cake".

She waves at the waiter to let him know that we are ready to order.

Rachel takes her and my order while I watch out of the window. The snowflakes begun to fall again after the snowfall of the last days. I lose myself into watching them falling one by one on the sidewalk. That's another thing, in addition to the fireworks, that takes me back to be a little girl in a twinkle.

"I love the snow" Rachel sighs, joining me in contemplating that white show. "It enchants you, like a charm. Don't you think?"

"Yeah."

I stay in adoration until the waiter arrives with the piece of cake for Rachel in one hand and in the other one a glass of juice.

"The vegan cake and the juice" he says, putting them on the table. "The pancake is about to come."

I thank him and I turn to Rachel. "I didn't know you were vegan!" I utter, astonished. I take a long sip from my glass.

"There hasn't been the opportunity to tell you" she says, with a shrug. "I would have told you if you had invited me to dinner."

The juice goes down the wrong way and I start coughing loudly. I put one hand on the table, my eyes filled with tears.

"Quinn, are you okay?" she asks worriedly, leaning towards me.

"Yes, I'm sorry." I cough again. "The juice must have gone the wrong way." I wipe my eyes and do a final cough to clear my throat. Although wet eyes obstruct my view, I could swear I saw a smile appear quickly on Rachel's face and then vanish.

"Before you tried to commit suicide," she resumes at this point, sniggering, "I was saying that I would have told you only when we decided to have dinner together. Is not a problem, right?"

"Whether you're vegan?"

She nods, cutting with a fork another piece of cake and leading it to her mouth. I linger on the scene until I wake up suddenly, blinking a few times. "No, no problem. I eat bacon for breakfast. I hope it doesn't bother you."

"It doesn't bother me, Quinn" she reassures. "These are choices that everyone takes. Mine is this. I do not decide who to hang out with based on their eating habits."

I'm about to ask which reasons brings her to hang out with me (that are still unknown to me), but the waiter arrives with my pancake and I decide to let go.

Rachel cleans up her mouth with a napkin and takes from her bag a yellow package with a white ribbon. She puts it at the center of the table showing one of her sweetest smiles. I move my eyes from the package to Rachel and then again to the package.

"What's this?"

"Can't you see it by yourself? It's a gift!"

"Is it for me?" I ask pointing myself.

Rachel chuckles and leans her elbows on the table, moving closer. "Are we waiting for someone else or something? Come on, open it!"

I begin to unwrap the packet by first removing the white bow. It reminds me of the snow that is falling out there. From the shape it could be a book, but when I remove the yellow paper I realize that is not really a book.

"It's a photo album" I whisper to myself.

Rachel watches the scene thrilled.

"Rachel, I don't know what to say" I mumble.

"You don't have to say anything in fact" she interrupts me, again with that megawatt smile printed on her face.

A feeling of explosive joy is suddenly overshadowed by a sense of oppression in my chest. "But I haven't bought you any gift" I apologize, feeling sorry.

Rachel shakes her hand as to tell me to stop talking. "I haven't bought you this gift because I wanted something in return. I saw it and I thought of you."

"Did you think of me?"

"I thought of you" she repeats. "I wish you would use it to hold all of your most beautiful photos. Well, you will need to make a strict selection because all your photos are beautiful."

My cheeks burn for the compliment. And for the idea that she thought about me when we were not together. "Rachel, I don't know how to thank you. You are so sweet, really."

"A 'thank you' is enough."

I look down, totally disarmed and unable to support her gaze.

"I thank you for agreeing to have breakfast together" she says, changing the topic. "I asked you to come here because I wanted to say goodbye."

I frown at her words. "Why? Are you leaving?"

I swear I didn't want to look so terrified.

"Me and my dads are going to Winterplace for the holidays. We are leaving tomorrow morning and coming back at the beginning of January."

"Oh. It sounds like fun" I say, relieved to know she'll be away for a few days.

"They love to ski, but I am hopeless. In fact, I'm going to spend my time in front of the fireplace watching _Funny Girl_."

Normally I would think this is a joke, but it's Rachel Berry to say it.

* * *

><p>Once finished eating, we go into the street, walking side by side under the snow. It comes back to my mind that afternoon a few weeks ago and I feel warm despite the freezing temperature.<p>

I watch Rachel with the corner of the eye. Her coat, her hair and the beret are covered with some small white flakes, her nose slightly flushed, her eyes wide and bright. I love that expression, I love when it looks so happy. I'm even more happy when I know that it's reserved for me.

"I'll miss you, even though I will not be away for too long" she says, staring at the road ahead of her.

My heart pushes harder into my chest. It could have come out and fallen somewhere here in the snow as far as I know. "I'll miss you too." My voice comes out low, almost choked.

Her mouth opens in a smile. "Will you write to me or will you let all the holidays pass without giving me your news?"

I pretend to think a bit and then I whisper "I'll write to you, I promise."

Before she could notice, I take the camera from the bag without let her see and I quickly snap a picture of Rachel. I chuckle at her expression somewhere between disbelief and outrage.

"Quinn Fabray!" she screams, unable to hold back a laugh. "You kind of traitor!"

She grabs my arm and draws me towards her. "I don't throw at you snowballs just because you're holding a Reflex. It would be rude" she says with an arrogant tone, lifting her chin.

"You wouldn't dare anyway" I say laughing.

"You don't want to challenge me. You don't know what I'm capable of." She lowers my beret on my eyes with a quick gesture with both hands. "I take revenge in this way for now."

I lift up my beret and I pull it out of my head. Rachel is already a few steps ahead, she turns to me. She shows her tongue in a smirk and then she flaunts one of her most beautiful smiles. I know for sure that it's reserved for me.

Yes, I love snow.

* * *

><p>The winter holidays have passed without I could even notice it. In these days the only insistent hammer was becoming aware of the absence of Rachel. We didn't lack the messages and phone calls, but having that ducky around is very different. I smile at the thought, while I put my English literature's book in the locker.<p>

School has started again today. Rachel and I still haven't had the chance to see each other. After returning from Winterplace, she went to visit her grandmother in Columbus for a few days and she hasn't returned yet.

Every time she calls me, before hanging up, I'm about to tell her that I miss her, exactly as I said the morning we said goodbye. The same happens when I write a text message. Sometimes I'm even ready to press send, but then I change my mind and I delete the last part of the message. I wonder if she misses me too, just as she told me.

I take my copy of "Alice in Wonderland" (read and re-read a million times) and I close the locker. The hallways are almost empty and all the students are moving to the cafeteria.

I turn the corner and suddenly I realize that I forgot the iPod in my locker. I was going to read while listening to music after lunch. That's what I need to distract myself and be a moment on my own.

I am about to turn around when a voice calls me behind my back.

"Hey, Quinn!" Finn walks towards me, with his awkward gait and a crooked smile on his face. He approaches cautiously, as you do to get closer to a lion's cage.

"Hello, Finn" I say back, a little surprised.

He hesitates for a second before starting to speak again, as to ponder the situation closely. "I guess I'm the last person you would have expected to meet today."

He actually got it. I would have expected to talk with anyone, unless with him. I raise an eyebrow trying to invite him to go on.

"It's been a while since we talked. The last time was when we broke up" he says shyly.

"Finn, if that is what you want to talk about, I don't think-"

He shakes his hands interrupting me. "That's not what I wanted to talk about"

"Oh... Better be it, because you know well that I have already made my decision and I have no intention of returning on the topic."

He nods, looking at his shoes. "I know, Quinn. I will not ask you to get back together. As much as I'm hurt, I respect your choice."

"What do you want to talk about then?" I ask, a hint of impatience in my voice.

"I don't like this situation" he admits. "I don't like to not be able to talk to you or avoid you when I see you. After what there was between us, I don't think I have the strength to ask you to be friends, but I wish that we could come back on being in good terms at least."

I weigh his words carefully before answering. "Finn, I'm not the one who avoids you or change the way when I see you. I never wanted to get to this point."

His expression becomes more guilty and regretful. "I know and that's why I'm here to apologize. For me it's not easy because I still like you, but I don't want to go on like this. I'm sorry I acted like a hangdog." He has never been a champion in making speeches, but he seems genuinely sorry.

Maybe I should give a chance to this refund relationship.

"It's okay, Finn" I finally say.

Really?" His expression is now incredulous and radiant.

"Really" I say in a smile. "I didn't like the fact that you hated me either."

"I didn't hate you, Quinn. I was just hurt and I wanted to be with you again."

"Right..." I lower my eyes tapping my fingers on my arm. I begin to feel uncomfortable, even if I'm happy that we cleared things out. And the fact that he keeps staring at me like you stare at an ice cream spilled on the ground doesn't help.

I interrupt the suffocating silence. "I should go to lunch. Santana and Brittany are probably waiting for me at the Cheerios' table."

"Oh yeah, sure. I should go too."

I smile weakly while I formulate the better way to say goodbye. But Finn stands still there, his hands in his pockets, moving his weight from one foot to another. And no intention to go, apparently.

"Is there something you want to ask me, Finn?"

He opens his mouth to talk. I believe he thought about it a million times in the meantime. "When you broke up with me you said that it was because you didn't feel like going on. You never gave me an explanation and maybe is for this too that it has been harder to accept your choice."

"I don't understand where you are getting at." I hold my arms around my chest.

"You didn't break up with me because there's another person, right?"

His question leaves me stunned. "I didn't break up with you because there's someone else. I would have told you in that case. Why do you ask me this?"

"You seem very absorbed lately. And I don't know… even at the new year's party I saw you using the phone several times and you had always that look."

"What look?" I ask, more and more confused.

"The look of someone that is in love" he says, almost whispering and with evident pain in his tone.

I use more time to acknowledge what he said.

What is he talking about? I texted only Rachel that night, how the hell is it possible?

That's not true, I didn't have that look.

Did I?

"Don't be stupid, Finn! There isn't anyone. I didn't break up with you for this."

I start again to tap my fingers, faster this time. I don't like the turn that this conversation has taken. I should be seated at a table with the girls by now.

"Okay sorry, it was only curiosity" he tries to explain, clumsily.

"I answered you" I reply, abrupt.

He doesn't seem to go away. He doesn't say goodbye to me, he doesn't add more either. He keeps staring at me and I can clearly see the questions forming in his mind. He opens again his mouth to talk and I only wish I could interrupt him right now and go away. But I stay there, with my feet fixed on the ground.

"Even if this isn't the reason of our break up, are you seeing someone now?" he ask me cautiously.

He reminds me of someone who puts his finger in the water to control the temperature before diving. My hands itch and I suddenly feel the rage growing. "I'm not dating anyone, Finn." My voice comes out almost like a growl, words articulated one by one.

It's incredible how he can irritate me in a moment. And why this should be his problem?

"Sorry, sorry. I'll mind my own business. Now I'll go to have lunch." He lowers to give me a kiss on the cheek. I become rigid at the contact.

"See you, Quinn" he whispers before overtaking me and going into the cafeteria.

I stay there mentally recalling the conversation just happened. I analyze every step, but my mind keeps focusing on the last part. What did he mean when he said that I looked absorbed?

My phone vibrates in my pocket making me jump and Rachel's name appears on the display. I take the call and I push the door of the first classroom I find in order to have more privacy.

"Guess who came back?" Rachel's voice comes to me strong and clear.

I missed her, even if I didn't talk to her only for a day. I feel my stomach twist and I suddenly remember that I was headed to lunch.

These cramps are from hunger, right?

I lean my back against a wall and I deeply sigh. A wide smile appears on my face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_If you dare come a little closer_

* * *

><p>One minute. One more minute left.<p>

The minute hands move slowly on the clock face. It always happens when you're waiting with all your strength the arrival of a certain time and, as much as you can force yourself and hope to have psychic powers, staring at that tic tack in slow motion certainly does not make them move faster. But then that moment comes and, like a spring, you wake up and you find yourself able to make jerks like a sprinter.

I tap my pencil on the open book, as if to mark each passing second. The shrill sound of the bell signals the end of the lessons and I hurl out of the classroom like a fury, avoiding under the wire to invest a group of freshmen. I grab the phone from my bag and I type the message while I head to the car.

_Busy?_

I take a deep breath before pressing "send". I start the engine and drive through the streets, cursing every red light that keeps me from getting home earlier. I park the car in the walkway and, before opening the door, I check if there are new messages. I find a notification and I quickly open Rachel's text.

_**I could not be busy for you : )**_

I let go a smile and I totally forget to jump the last step. I curse softly and I look around, hoping no one saw me almost falling on the ground. The truth is that I can no longer wait to show her the pictures I took while she was singing the night we met. I can't wait to see her reaction when she will leaf through it. I can already imagine her expressions.

I get to my room and I stop to look at the mirror. I see a girl with a radiant smile that goes from ear to ear. I remain to observe her before typing a new message.

_There is a thing I promised you the night that we met. Do you remember? _

Pictures of that night pass before my eyes. The vibration and the screen that lights up tear me off from those beautiful memories.

_**I think you will need to rub up my memory Fabray : P I'll wait for you at 4 pm, ok? **_

_Perfect! See you later Rach : )_

I throw my phone on the bed, following it soon after with a leap. I turn to look at the ceiling, sighing loudly. I glance at the clock. 3.30 pm. Still half an hour.

How can I wait for 4 pm without having a heart attack?

* * *

><p>I squeeze the envelope with the photos in one hand while with the other hand I buzz the intercom of Rachel's house. The lights are on in the house and I perceive quick steps inside. The door bursts open making me jump and a smiling Rachel appears in front of me.<p>

"You're in time. I'm impressed." She crosses her arms on her chest, leaning against the door jamb.

"Are you kidding me? I'm always punctual!" I answer vaguely irritated.

She bursts into laugh. I like so much her laughter. I release my pout in front of this show and I laugh with her.

"Come on, come in" she says, taking my hand. At that touch I hold my breath and hot and cold collide on my skin. She drags me up the stairs, still holding my hand and making me go into her room.

"Aren't your parents here?" I wonder glancing behind me.

"No, they're out."

"It's at least the third time I come to your house and I haven't met them yet" I say staring at her with reproach.

"I haven't met yours either" she says irritated.

"You've never come to my house, Rach!"

"You've never asked, Quinn!"

I realize only now that at every sentence we got closer and closer. I step back a little and I notice that she became aware of the gradual reduction of the distance too. I clear my throat and Rachel moves her eyes on the wall first and then on an indefinite point to her left, running a hand on her hip.

"So? Why are you here? What's in that envelope?" then she asks me pointing out the white envelope in my hand and clinging to her arms.

"Try to ask it more quietly and maybe I'll tell you."

Rachel snorts, rolling her eyes. She can be really irritating at times. But she's adorable when she curls up her lips in that offended pout.

I get lost in those thoughts and I don't realize that I'm staring at her like you stare at a polar bear cub at the zoo.

"What?" she asks, confused.

I recompose myself hastily. "Nothing." I hand her the envelope. "Look for yourself." I give an encouraging smile, even if she doesn't deserve it right now.

She grabs the envelope, she looks furtively at me and opens it.

"It's not a parcel bomb, right?" she asks, provocative.

"Cut it out and open it, Rach!" I sigh exasperated.

Her face lights up when she realizes what she is holding. She leafs through the photos slowly and looks at each one for a number of seconds. In her eyes there's surprise, then admiration, and finally what I could easily mistake for happiness. Have I caused it?

"Quinn..." she begins, but without finishing the sentence.

I stand there in front of her, with my heart bursting and the knowledge that that expression of incredulous gratitude is all for me.

"They are beautiful, Quinn."

An instinct, brief but intriguing, to say that they are not as beautiful as she is.

She carefully places the photos on the bed and throws her arms around my neck. Her scent soaks my nostrils and I inhale deeply, as to hold it as long as possible with me, unable to let it go.

"Thank you thank you thank you" she whispers in my ear.

Millions of chills run through my back at the sound barely audible of her voice, but so close, gives off right in my ear.

"I haven't finished yet" I say, untying the embrace reluctantly. I grab from my bag the photo album she gave me for Christmas and I open the first page. A close-up profile of a smiling Rachel, brightened by the snow.

"You told me to put all my most beautiful photos," I explain "I thought to start with this one."

Rachel's eyes sparkle chained to mine. She closes the album without breaking eye contact, without saying a word and she draws me back to her in a hug. I stay silent too, holding her more tightly to my chest.

I glance at the watch on my wrist. I close my eyes and breath in heavily.

I wish the hands would stop right now.

* * *

><p>"I like this one so much!" she exclaims enthusiastically taking one of the photos in her hands and turning it to let me see. "But this one is wonderful, too!" She hands me another picture of herself with her eyes closed, her forehead slightly frowned.<p>

I can remember the exact instant I took it. I've always wondered what she was thinking about in that moment.

"Actually, I like them all, damn it!" she finally blurts out, crossing her arms and looking angrily at the photos scattered on the floor in front of her.

I remain incredulous. "What's the problem, Rach?"

"The problem is that you're damn talented. That's the problem."

I blush slightly at the compliment. "You can keep them all, Rachel! You don't have to choose. I made duplicates just for you."

She looks at me as if I just said that she was chosen for the role of Maria in West Side Story on Broadway. "Seriously?" she asks almost screaming.

I laugh in front of her enthusiasm. "Really. They're yours."

"Thank you thank you thank you" she squeals, clapping her hands. "I can't wait to show them to my dads."

I observe with admiration the girl in front of me.

Rachel Berry is simply extraordinary. Not only she has a voice out of the ordinary and big dreams, but she is genuine and spontaneous in all the emotions she feels. She might also be irritating at times and incredibly childish, but I think I have a weakness for that side of her too. And also for the questionable sweaters with reindeers that she wears at times. Her taste in clothes in general could raise intense debates, but it's part of her. It's part of Rachel. And there's nothing more perfect.

"Are you listening, Quinn?"

I return to reality abruptly. Rachel's expression of annoyance, her arms crossed, are not good signs.

"Uh... What?" I fall from the clouds and beating on the ground hurts a lot.

"I knew you were not listening to me!" she blurts out angrily. "I should have realized it from your foolish eyes! So I deduce that it's useless to ask you what I was saying. Well, know that I'm not going to repeat it! It's enough to say that I was complimenting you, you ungrateful weasel!"

I hardly let few words of apology slip, but this annoys her even more. "Why are you so angry? I was listening to you! I got distracted for a second."

"Really? What did I say?" she asks, tilting her head and with a bit of skepticism in her voice.

"That you can't wait to make your dads see the photos."

She looks daggers at me. "That was before, Quinn. You were not listening to me."

"Well, I..." I try to begin with.

"But can I know what you where thinking about?"

Panic. I don't know what to say. I try to collect some ideas to save me at the last minute.

"Umh... I... N-n nothing" I stumble in my own words.

"You are really impossible sometimes, you know?" she growls pointing her finger at me.

I find it almost offensive that it's her who told me this, but before I can reply the phone vibrates next to my leg and catches my attention.

Maybe it's better that I've been silent, I would have probably caused World War III.

I feel slightly relieved, but the feeling doesn't last long. Finn's name appears next to an envelope very clearly on the screen. Even Rachel sees it and whispers a "go ahead" while moving her eyes to the wall to give me privacy. I open the message, feeling a bit of anxiety rise.

_**Hey! I'm sorry to bother you... I just wanted to tell you I'm glad I talked to you the other day in the hallway and I'm sorry I made you nervous in the end. I didn't want to poke in. It's weird and I don't hide that I still have feelings for you, but I really don't want to lose you completely. See you.**_

I snort loudly and I bring a hand to my head, rubbing my temple. I put the phone where it was before and I decide not to respond immediately. The idea that he hasn't turned the page doesn't make me feel comfortable. I never know what to expect and I don't want to hurt him further in the future.

"Are you okay?" Rachel breaks the silence. Her face is concerned and she has become serious. There is no trace of the previous fury. She probably forgot why she was yelling at me.

"That's okay. He just told me he is glad that he spoke to me a few days ago. I'm relieved too, even though I was annoyed with some stupid questions. A classic of Finn" I reply flat.

"What kind of questions?"

"Nothing important" I cut short. I don't want to deal with the issue and inform her about it.

Rachel mimics an "ah" with her mouth and falls silent again. I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable and I seek for a way to bring a peaceful atmosphere in this room.

"Quinn, can I ask you something?" she asks suddenly.

"Yes, of course you can" I say hesitantly.

"Were you in love with Finn?"

Among all the possible scenarios, this was no doubt the last one that I would have expected. I open my mouth without making a sound. Then, after another moment of hesitation, I finally speak.

"Yes, I was." My voice comes out soft. "I mean, I think. I think I was in the beginning, but I was no longer in love in the last few months for sure. That's why I broke up with him. You know. We talked about it that night on the bench" I say with a higher tone.

Rachel nods. She stares at her hands, her fingers tapping nervously on her thigh. I remain mesmerized for a moment and then say "Why do you ask?"

She finally meets my eyes, inexplicably confused and alarmed. "Pure curiosity." She shrugs. "Sorry, I didn't want to be intrusive. Again" she adds, bursting into a nervous laugh.

"It's okay, really." I reassure her, but I can't be loose and relaxed as I would like to seem.

I'm not sure where this conversation can get. I would like to bring the discussion on other tracks, but instead I ask her something in return.

"And you? Have you ever been in love, Rachel?"

I watch her thinking about it a second before answering.

"Only one time. Or at least I think I was. It's so easy to misunderstand your feelings sometimes. In short, it's different from when you just like a person, don't you think? It's easy to deceive yourself. Sometimes it seems intense, but in reality it's not and everything fades away at any moment."

I nod imperceptibly and wait for her to continue the discourse. I get the impression that she has not finished yet.

"It's different when you think about someone so much, when you feel your stomach upside down at the idea of seeing them, when you feel the chills every time they touch you or brush you."

I swallow hard and I feel like I'm swallowing my own heart, which is stuck halfway and goes neither up nor down.

"I'm probably a hopeless romantic and I hold onto useless stereotypes, but I always had this idea of falling in love. Get butterflies when you see this person, the anxiety when you know you are about to separate, the desire to carry on the clock to get right to the moment when you'll see each other again, the knees that tremble, smile for no apparent reason and have your head on the clouds." A smile is printed on her face. "And the fact that there is no more beautiful sound of their voice when they say your name."

I hear every word as if I was under the effect of a spell and everything she says delivers precise shots to my stomach. Rachel speaks as if she is telling a fairy tale, her eyes fixed somewhere above my head, her chocolate brown eyes, bright and big, and that smile, dreamy before, now slightly melancholy, on her face.

Suddenly she turns her attention to me. "That's how it feels like when you're in love, don't you think Quinn?"

I startle. Hear her saying out my name causes an electric shock inside of me, a shock that I have always felt, but apparently ignored and pushed into a corner of my brain without asking why. Without wondering why, refusing to discover it and recognize it, but now it's here that requires desperate attention. My mouth becomes suddenly dry.

Quinn.

Quinn.

"Yes, it is" I find the strength to say in a whisper. "It's something like that" I repeat again, more to myself than to Rachel.

She keeps looking at me, waiting for me to say more. Or at least I think she's waiting for me to say something. Her eyes move over my face looking carefully every inch of it.

I open my mouth again without giving off any sound. My brain is like a shelf full of books that has just been spilled on the floor. It's impossible to put it back in order in a little time.

Rachel speaks again. "I've never felt like this before, actually. But I'm waiting for that person. I'm sure it's out there somewhere and that is waiting for me."

It becomes increasingly difficult to sustain her eyes and I start to play nervously with the sleeve of my sweater.

"Or who knows?" she resumes suddenly after a brief pause. "Maybe we've already met and I haven't figure it out yet. Maybe we haven't found each other yet even if we are under each other's eyes."

Her gaze lingers on me, more intense than usual. I can feel it burning on my skin. I am forced to look at her at this point.

"Did you feel like that only with Finn?" she asks.

"I..." Every breath cuts my throat.

Rachel's body leans toward me, my muscles are tense and I can read the need of answers on her face.

"Quinn? Did you?"

Again that discharge.

"Yeah..." I say finally. I don't know why I said that. It was not what I wanted to say, but now I said it.

Rachel lets out a sigh returning to her previous position. A thousand emotions run through her face, but I can't catch any of them. Disappointment? Confusion? I can't say it with certainty.

I feel like suffocating. Suddenly, I just want to get out of that room.

I stand up abruptly making the girl sitting in front of me jump. "I'm sorry Rachel, I have to go."

"Why?" she asks, her voice trembling.

My hand is already on the handle. "I..." I turn to her. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

I leave the room after a moment of hesitation on the threshold.

"Quinn" I hear her calling behind me, but it's too late now. I go down the stairs and come quickly out the house.

Quinn. The most beautiful sound in the world.

I wish I could go back and tell her that I told a lie. I told a lot of lies actually, but I said the biggest lie I could ever come up with. It's true that I have felt all those things, but not for Finn.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_

* * *

><p>I storm into my house, slamming the door behind me and, without bothering to say hi to my mom, I climb the stairs quickly, taking two steps at a time.<p>

I arrive in my room out of breath. I throw the bag on the bed, not caring to be delicate. I ran a hand through my hair, I take two deep breaths, but the breathing doesn't want to go back to be regular. Not even my heartbeat.

My heart beats faster since I left Rachel's house.

Her words resounded in my head for all the time it took to come back here.

I feel the sudden need to cry out everything I have inside, everything I've crushed and hidden inside of me until now.

How did I ignore it?

I had all the signals under my eyes from the beginning, but I preferred to ignore them and pretend nothing happened. Maybe it was more convenient to pretend like it was nothing. Maybe I didn't think it could be possible. But now I can't hide it, no more, and the reality spills on me like a rain of stones, oppressing me beneath its weight.

I have feelings for Rachel. I've had feelings for her since the beginning and it has grown over time, up to become unmanageable. And, if I'm not misunderstanding, she has feelings for me too.

There's a knock at the door and I jump exactly where I am.

"Quinn? Is it all right?" my mom asks from outside my room.

"Yes. It's okay, mom" I say with a trembling voice.

I try to control myself. "It's all right. Don't worry" I try again, this time appearing as relaxed as possible and raising the tone.

"Okay" I hear her say finally, clearly doubtful. "You find me down in the kitchen if you need anything"

I hear footsteps moving away from the door and going down the stairs. I breathe deeply and I let myself fall on the bed, my hands pressed against my face. I feel the mattress vibrate and, after a moment of interdiction, I understand that it's the phone inside my bag that is vibrating.

Four unanswered calls. All four from Rachel.

There comes a sob and then immediately another. I turn off the phone and I bring my legs closer to my chest, letting the tears finally flow.

* * *

><p>It's been a week, but the script has not changed since that day. I carefully avoided all the calls and messages from Rachel. She has tried to contact me every day, even several times a day, but I don't want to talk to her. I wouldn't know what to say. Well, I would know what to say, but I can't do it.<p>

I think I'm about to go crazy.

My mother didn't take it and she got that something is wrong. She tried to investigate in every way, to talk to me, but I always diverted the conversation by telling her to not worry. The other day she tried to get me by surprise even while I was helping her cutting vegetables for dinner.

To finally give her an answer, I lied and I told her that I discussed with Finn and some things happened, without going into details. At least this way she would have stopped looking for the real reason of my mood. I'm not quite sure I convinced her, but at least she's not bothering me for now.

I don't know who I can talk with anyway. Logically, I can't ask my mother for help, not if this is the problem. And to be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone else.

Ironically, the only person I would confide in is the cause of my problems.

Realizing to have a crush on a girl was not exactly what I would have expected for the new year. I can't feel something for a girl that is not simple affection between friends. What would the others say? What would my parents think?

My parents would not think at all. They'd just kill me.

Also, it's not just a simple crush. My feelings for Rachel are deeper. I've never felt like this for anyone, ever in seventeen years. And this for itself scares me to death. If then these feelings are for a person I shouldn't have lost my head for, how should I take it? This is unacceptable.

It was not supposed to happen, I should have not let this happen. I have to remove all this nonsense out of my head. And I have to take Rachel off of my head as soon as possible.

I carry the bag for the Cheerios' training on my shoulder and I walk toward the football field. I hope doing a couple of splits and back turns will distract me. I need to distract myself, but nothing seems to work.

The phone vibrates in my pocket and, with a sigh, I leave it alone.

Outside the locker room I control the notification and, as I imagined, I find a missed call from Rachel.

There is a message on the voicemail. I hesitate, wondering what to do. Do I listen to it or not?

With my heart bursting, I finally decide to listen to it. My body freezes the instant I hear Rachel's voice, after what it seems like a lifetime since the last time.

"_Hello Quinn... I'm sorry to bother you, but you've been avoiding my calls for a week and…" _she sighs and interrupts the sentence. _"I need to talk to you. I-I don't understand anything. Call me back, okay? Bye…"_

I delete the message and an annoying voice informs me that my voicemail is empty.

I trail into the locker room like an automaton.

I feel like it's impossible to not think about it.

* * *

><p>I park my car in the walkway and I keep staring right in front of me with a lost look. I'm looking, but it's as if I'm not really looking.<p>

I let myself go in the seat, leaning on completely, almost sinking. I close my eyes trying to stop the thoughts that run on and on.

In what trouble I got into?

I grab the bag from the back seat and I'm about to walk to my house when I feel pulled by the arm and I'm forced to turn around.

"Rachel!" I shout as soon as I recognize my "attacker". I bring a hand on my chest and I let out a sigh of relief. "Are you crazy? You scared me to death!"

Rachel shrugs. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention." I've never seen an attempt to apologize so forced. She doesn't seem so sorry actually.

"Where did you pop up from?" I ask, looking around. My eyes fall on her car parked on the other side of the road. How long has she been here waiting for me?

"I wouldn't have done this improvise if you had not avoided speaking to me for a whole week" she coldly informs me. I can't get nothing but resentment in her voice.

"How long have you been here, Rachel?"

"A little" she says vaguely, staring down and playing with her fingers. She looks up at me and that waterfall of chocolate makes my knees tremble as soon as it pours over me. "We need to talk, Quinn. Now. Don't make me chase you again, please" she whispers imploringly.

I find myself unable to refuse, completely unarmed. I try to let slip a couple of excuses. "I'm tired and I want to have a shower. Also, I have a lot of homework to do."

"Please" she interrupts me, almost begging me.

"Okay" I finally say. "Come in then."

"Are you alone? What about your parents?" she asks me walking into my house.

"My father is working. My mom… Umh, I have no idea, but she is not here as you can see." I place my bag on the ground near the first step and I make a gesture to Rachel to invite her to follow me.

I go before her into my room and I turn to face her. Rachel is exploring my room with her eyes. She goes near the dresser in front of my bed and picks up a picture of me as a child.

A little Quinn with blond pigtails is smiling at her, hugging her dad. I can't help but feel warmed by that scene. I hardly hold a tender smile.

"I was four there" I tell her. I hesitate for a moment, not sure whether to get closer or not. Finally I decide to stay where I am. I have to be as detached as possible.

"You look so happy" she states.

"It was a funny day."

Rachel puts in place the picture and, after making her eyes wander onto another picture of me in my Cheerios uniform, with the trophy of Nationals in one hand, she sits on my bed, her eyes focused on me.

"What happened that day, Quinn?" she asks in a whisper.

"What are you talking about?" I wonder, pretending to not understand.

She darkens. "You know what I'm talking about, Quinn."

I cross my arms over my chest and I lower my eyes.

"I'm talking about what happened in my house a week ago" she clarifies quietly.

"I was busy. I'm sorry I left in that way" I say with a shrug.

Rachel's gaze gets harsher. "Why are you telling me lies, Quinn?"

"It's not a lie, Rachel" I answer promptly.

"Yes, it is!" she blurts out. "It's a lie. We were talking and you stood up all of a sudden. You've been so busy all week you ignored all my calls and texts?"

I don't answer and I look at another point of the room.

"Why don't you look at me?" she asks, as if she was reading my mind.

I stay silent, still avoiding her eyes.

"Why are you here, Rachel?" I ask then, pondering her gaze and puffing exasperatedly. Maybe I'm more scared of how it might evolve this conversation than anything else.

"Because I want to clarify the situation. I've already told you."

"There is nothing to clarify" I conclude, flat, with yet another shrug.

Rachel's face becomes red, her eyes filled with rage. "Oh of course there is something to be clarified. It's so obvious."

"What is so obvious?" I tighten the grip on my chest and I step back as soon as Rachel gets up from my bed, pointing her finger against me.

"You have feelings for me and you don't have the courage to admit it."

I blink several times, dazed. "Excuse me?" I let out a nervous laugh.

"You understood very well."

"You're wrong" I cut short, blunt, shaking my head.

"I'm not wrong and you know it." She sits back down on the bed with a sigh. She crosses her arms and stares at me again, waiting for my reply. A reply that never comes.

"Look," she resumes, noticing my reticence "I'm not that stupid. I see what happens between us. I saw it the night we first met, that day in my room and whenever we were together. Last week we were talking about feelings and stuff and everything became weird. You're not the only one who has felt it. I felt it too."

"It wasn't weird at all, Rach" I lie.

"Oh no? Then why did you run away?"

"I did not run away" I blurt out.

"You could get away that time," she remarks persistently, "but you can't run forever, Quinn."

I narrow my eyes and I scrutinize her. Is she trying to annoy me? I feel the urge to punch her right now. Maybe she'd decide to finally shut up.

"Look, Rachel, I'm not running away from anything. Try to get it" I growl at her with anger, pressing my fists against my hips and resisting the temptation to use them on her.

"You are afraid" she continues, ignoring me and annoying me even more. "You're afraid and I understand that. You fear for your reputation at school and for what people would think if they knew."

I shake my head and I almost hiss at her. "You don't have the slightest idea of what you're saying."

"Then why don't you explain it to me?" she shouts, her chest moving slowly with her breaths. "I'm right here. Tell me."

"I-I can't" I choke, avoiding eye-contact.

Rachel bursts out laughing in disbelief. "That's it?" she asks, opening her arms, her eyes searching for mine. "You can't?"

"I can't." This time I say it firmly and loudly.

I watch her get up and move toward the window. We remain silent while she glances to the road.

"How much longer are you going to pretend and not live your life, Quinn?" she asks with a teary voice. Then she turns her face to me. I open my mouth in an attempt to say something, but I can't make a sound.

"I'm afraid too. I'm scared because I've never felt how I feel when I'm with you." Her voice cracks and a tear streams down her cheek. I don't think I can watch her without doing anything, but I can't even move a muscle right now.

"But I know what I felt during all these months and I know what happened last week. And as much as you deny it, I know that you know that too."

"It's not that easy, Rachel" I find the strength to say.

She inhales with her nose and she smiles softly. "Nothing is easy."

I stay frozen in my position. I massage my arm with a hand, as if to fight against the need to run to her and hug her. If I told her that everything will be alright, I would lie. So, with my heart in pieces, I stay where I am.

"I'm the only one who knows you and who accepts you for who you are" she reprises within the irregular breathing. "With me you are not the cheerleader Quinn, the one in front of whom everyone bows and who scares everyone in the hallways of McKinley High. With me you are Quinn and only Quinn. With me you don't need to pretend." She makes a pause, looking at me hurt for the first time since we are discussing.

"I'm sorry, Rachel" I whisper, before she could add more.

She nods and wipes off a tear ready to fall down. She walks towards me and stops right in front of me.

"I'm sorry too, Quinn."

She fixes her gaze on me, searching for a connection, but I can't do the same. Looking at her in the eyes would make me even more vulnerable and I can't deal with this now. She seems scrutinizing deep in my soul when she looks at me. I can't let her do that anymore.

I bite my lip and I look up at the ceiling, trying to hold back all the words that I'm repressing.

At this point she overtakes me and she comes out of my room. I hear her go down the stairs and exit from the front door.

A part of me would run after her, stop her and then… then I don't know.

The other part of me knows that I did the right thing, even if my heart is in pieces and it seems impossible to even put them together.

Though the internal struggle, my legs remain fixed on the ground.

Then I find a way to fight this strange force and I get near the window. I follow with my eyes her car going away and, with it, Rachel too. I did what was the right thing to do.

Then why I feel like I made the biggest mistake that I could ever make?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_I must believe that love will find a way tonight_

* * *

><p>I open one eye, slowly, trying to get used to the jump between the darkness and the light, and I explore the space around me. Outside the sky is already bright. I believe it would be a cloudy day today too. Not that this matters. It could rain all day or it could come even a storm. There is no difference for me.<p>

I glance at the clock on the bedside table. Ten minutes are left until the alarm clock will ring. As the previous days, I'm already awake. And I had a hard time falling asleep tonight too. Again.

I move the blanket from my body and I throw it out at the foot of my bed with a kick. I sit down and I run a hand through my hair, listening to the familiar noises that come from my kitchen. I drag myself along the bathroom, without caring to lift well my feet from the ground and I throw some cold water on my face. I observe my reflection at the mirror and I put a finger under my eyes. The sleep bags are even more noticeable if possible.

I finish to wash myself and dress up, as if I had a gun planted on my temple, and I come down to the kitchen.

"Good morning" I greet my mother, leaving a kiss on her cheek.

"Good morning you too, honey." She dries her hands with a rag and she hands me a plate with my breakfast. "Here, bacon and eggs. _Bon appétit_."

I flop down on the seat and I wince. "Sorry mom, but I don't feel like eating. I think a fruit would be enough for this morning."

My mom's expression darkens and she comes to seat in front of me. "Honey, you should eat. You haven't eaten much yesterday at dinner either." She leans forward to pull aside the hair from my forehead. "And also, you seem always so tired. Are you sleeping?"

"It's all right mom" I puff, stretching my head backward. "It's only a stressful period. School has been a living hell recently" I try to reassure her with a smile that convinces her only in half.

I get up from the chair with a jerk and I grab an apple from the basket in the middle of the table.

"It will be ok. Don't worry, okay?"

"Have a good day" she tells me sighing, when I'm already on the doorstep.

* * *

><p>"Q, you can't absolutely miss this!"<p>

Santana takes a little more of pasta with the fork, leading it to her mouth.

"Where is written that I can't absolutely miss this? It's only another stupid party." I shake my head rolling my eyes and I force myself to eat despite the stab in my stomach. I risk to faint at any time.

"Another stupid party?" she shouts, her eyes wide open in shock and a tone of voice almost offended. She strikes down the fork with a thud. "Listen, Q. For some time now you are not the same anymore. You are always reserved, you're on your own. You seem very tired all the time."

I move my gaze on the near table and I start chewing my bottom lip nervously. I suddenly feel under observation. Why is she telling me this?

"You are not you anymore" she finishes, flat.

I take a deep breath and I shrug. "I'm just a little stressed. It's only a period."

"I don't know if it's only a period," she says, raising her voice and forcing me to face her, "but you have changed. I'm worried."

"I'm always the same" I murmur, maybe in an attempt to convince myself rather than my friend. "You don't need to be worried."

"No, it's not true, you are different" she retorts stubbornly. "I'm your best friend. Do you think I don't see if something is wrong?"

We stay in silence for a time that lets my thoughts crowd in. Am I different? Is it that noticeable?

There are a lot of questions that can be made. On the reasons for example. The reasons why I want to kick everyone or why I feel the need to throw me on a corner and cry. The reason why I don't want to wake up despite the fact that I can't fall asleep.

The reason of all has a name, but I'm afraid to spell it out. Or even to think about it.

I feel a constant lump in my chest that I can't release and it prevents me from breathing.

"Listen" Santana speaks again interrupting my flow and catching my attention. "I don't know what is running through your mind and if you don't feel like talking it's okay. Nobody is forcing you." Her face softens and her voice mellows. "But come at the party tonight. It's Friday and then there is all the weekend forward. We'll have fun!"

She smiles at me and I can't help but reciprocate. Maybe she's right and it will be fun. Maybe I need it.

I roll my eyes and I burst into laugh. "Okay, okay, if you insist, I'll come" I finally say, raising my arms as a signal of surrender.

That's the kind of attitude that I should adopt. Move on with my life, go back to when I didn't know… well, her.

Santana makes a gesture of victory and she gets up to take away the tray.

"Tonight at 8 pm at Puck's. Don't be late. See you later at the training" she says before walking away.

I take a sip of water before getting up and leaving the cafeteria.

Maybe it won't be a catastrophic night after all.

* * *

><p>"Santana, I'm late. I'm getting now in my car" I talk through the receiver when I'm actually putting on my pants, laying down on my bed, making movements worthy of a contortionist.<p>

"Come on, Quinn. Here it's already started a while ago" Santana shouts, trying to cover the party's noise. "You're missing all the fun."

I stand up and with a flash I finally manage to wear the garment. "I'm coming I'm coming" I blurt out irritated.

I hang up and I let the phone fall on my bed. I quickly rummage in my closet and I finally choose a black shirt that falls soft on my hips. I put on my boots with energy, letting out some complaints.

Once the odyssey is over and after getting ready in record time, I say goodbye to my parents and I make for Puck's house. I flip through a radio station to another, finding only depressing songs, so that at one point I give up.

With big fortune (sarcasm is needed here), the half part of the traffic lights are red, as if I wasn't already late. Some habits are hard to die.

I think about when Rachel told me that I was punctual with a surprised tone and I was annoyed because "I'm always punctual". I smile at the memory, but then the smile disappears being replaced by a stab of pain in my heart so strong that it makes me cry.

It's been two weeks since that day at my house. Of course I haven't had any news from Rachel. Neither a call nor a message. Nothing. I haven't met her nowhere and I think it's better this way because I don't know how I could react. I would probably scream and run away. Or pass out.

I change again the radio station and I wipe a tear off of my face. I can't cry. I can't let them see me in this condition. I don't want to give explanations and invent excuses in consequence. I'm already under a hand lens for my mood of the last days and for my not-so-Fabray behavior. Coach Sylvester doesn't need a head cheerleader sullen and melancholy.

It all went wrong with Rachel. As much as it hurts, it couldn't have gone any other way.

Yes, that's it. Stop. End of the story.

I snuffle searching for a tissue, groping around with my free hand.

_I am tryin' not to tell you, but I want to__  
><em>_I'm scared of what you'll say__  
><em>

I grab my lower lip with my teeth, pressing until I nearly hurt myself.

_So I'm hidin' what I'm feelin'__  
><em>_But I'm tired of holdin' this inside my head_.

I press the wheel with more strength. Suddenly everything feels so stupid and vane.

What am I forcing myself to hide when she manages to read my soul with a look?

_I've been spendin' all my time just thinkin' 'bout you__  
><em>_I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you__  
><em>_I've been waitin' all my life, and now I found you__  
><em>_I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you__  
><em>

I start to slow down and I feel my breath run out and becoming more troubled. My heart speeds up more and more every second.

_I'm fallin' for you_

I can't hide anymore my head in the sand.

I check if some car appears behind me and ahead of me and, as soon as I make sure of it, I make an U-turn and I leave again in the opposite direction.

* * *

><p>Only ten minutes pass until Rachel comes out the front door of the theater, followed by her cast. My heart skips a beat as I see her. I feel like a century has passed. It's funny how my conception on time changes when I don't have that ducky around.<p>

Everybody is talking vividly. From what I can grasp, I think that they are making fun of one of them.

I find myself praying that they all will go away and that Rachel won't follow them, but that she'll separate from the rest of the group. I feel like I became a stalker or something like that, on the right way to insanity.

However, considering that Rachel waited for me outside my house for some minutes, or maybe hours as far as I know, I'm not the only one who is acting like a crazy person. I've been here less time anyway.

Little psychopathic Jewish.

Someone from above must have heard me because all the other members from the cast walk away while Rachel stays outside the theater alone. She doesn't walk toward her car, but she stands there still, rummaging in her bag, maybe looking for the keys.

I straight up, bringing my hands on the wheel and tapping my fingers quickly. I should come out of the car and go to her. Yes, the plan is this. And it's flawless.

I open the port, but I feel someone holding me on my shoulder. I silently swear when I realize that I haven't untied the seatbelt.

Stupid Rachel Berry that makes me an idiot.

I check the road before crossing it and slowly heading to Rachel. There is nobody, not at all. I make a step and then another. I put my foot one after one, more and more slowly. Or at least this is the sensation I get.

I realize only now that, actually, I don't have an accurate plan. It's not flawless at all. I don't know what I will say once I get there. I have no idea of what to do. I knew it twenty minutes ago. Actually, I think I always knew it, but now my mind is a blur and I forgot even how to speak.

Rachel becomes aware of my presence only when I'm a few steps away from her. She lifts up her head to meet my eyes and her expression changes in a moment. She is surprised to see me. I don't think she would have expected to come across me here. She opens her mouth in order to say something, but I don't leave her the time to do so.

"Let me speak, okay?" I tell her, closing my eyes for a moment and twisting my hands together to make the anxiety go away.

Rachel slowly nods and she turns completely towards me, giving me all her attention. "Okay."

I take a deep breath before starting. My hands shake and sweat, my heart beats faster and I feel like it's physically impossible for it to beat slower with Rachel around.

"I lied to you" I say abruptly, squeezing my eyes shut. "I lied to you that day at your house when I told you I've already been in love before, that I've already felt butterflies in my stomach, my head on the clouds and everything else. And, what is even worse, I lied when I told you that I don't feel anything for you."

"So is that true? You do feel something for me?" she asks me, hopeful, moving forward, but suddenly stopping at my look of reproach.

"Rachel!" I scold her, nearly screaming. "I said to let me talk first, remember? So please… It's not easy for me." I direct her a look half way between pleading and annoyed.

"Sorry" she says hastily, letting out a half smile. "Go ahead. I'm listening."

I clear my voice and I start to talk again. "The truth is, Rachel, that since you came into my life I don't see anything but you. You are always there, in each moment, and I feel like it's never enough."

I make a step towards her and I see her even more chained to my words just spoken and to all the ones that will come.

"I never get tired of you, of your laugh, of your voice and of your presence. You came like a hurricane and you overturned my life, my whole existence. You overturned me."

I make a pause and I lower my eyes for a moment, then I move them back to hers. I keep moving my fingers while talking.

"Earlier I was in my car and I was going to this party, hoping to distract myself and not think about you, even if for a few hours. I haven't done anything but this since you left my house. I was seriously going crazy. And… And then this song comes out of the radio and I thought about you."

"Quinn" she interrupts me shyly.

"No, let me finish. If I stop now, I don't know if I will find the courage to go ahead."

I eye her with annoyance and I hardly swallow before reprising.

"Then I remembered that on Friday at this time you do the rehearsals for the musical and I rushed here. And now I'm here, to say that I've been a stupid and a coward, but that's because I was scared to death. I still am while I'm telling you all these things. I'm afraid, but I can't pretend like it's not there."

And before realizing it, I've made the last steps towards her, closing every distance. I hold her face in my hands and I kiss her.

I forget that we are in the street, I forget that they are waiting for me at the party and that I'm terribly late. Probably I even forget to breathe. I forget that a girl that kisses another girl is an abnormal behavior and that I shouldn't be here now. I am exactly where I want to be right now. Everything is so right and perfect that it can't be an abomination.

Rachel responds immediately to my kiss, wrapping her arms around my hips and drawing me to her. I unseal my mouth and I let our tongues meet in a shy dance. Her hands now are tied on my hips gently, making sure of keeping our bodies close to each other.

I'm afraid that I will wake up and realize that it was just a dream.

I break the contact after what it seemed to me like the sweetest eternity that I could ever wish to spend and I rest my forehead on hers. I lower my gaze, embarrassed, and I smile, followed by Rachel.

"I thought that you would never be able to tell me that" she whispers, pulling out a strand of my hair.

"I was afraid of that too" I murmur.

I distance myself, finally becoming aware of the fact that we are on a sidewalk, and I glance at the space around to verify the presence of other people. Rachel clears her throat, lowering her gaze and placing her fingers on her lips.

I address to her again. "Now I have to go. I'm already late and they are waiting for me."

"Oh yeah, sure." She nods and she bands over to take the bag that she let fall down to be able to hold me tight.

I hold back a laugh. I must have surprised her a lot with this whole thing.

Then I move back a little, keeping eye-contact with her and without turning around.

"See you soon, Rachel."

"Bye, Quinn" she whispers, when I've already turned around and I'm heading back to my car.

I see Rachel watching me going away from the rear-view mirror. I can't stop smiling and shaking while I drive towards Puck's house. I feel like I kissed someone for the first time ever.

I'll have to make up a believable excuse for being late.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note<strong>: the song played in Quinn's car is _Fallin' for you_ by Colbie Caillat. I hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I did :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_All I wanna hear her say is "Are you mine?"_

* * *

><p>To the contrary of what people think, a handbook about love doesn't exist. There aren't written rules which one should conform to and follow step by step in order to behave in the better way in a romantic relationship.<p>

The truth is that the rules don't exist, that's it.

I've always thought, however, that when a person kisses you and admits to have strong feelings for you, the least you can do is call her back in the following days. Especially if you reciprocate. Apparently for Rachel Berry is not an obvious consequence, otherwise I wouldn't be here in the middle of American History class thinking about the fact that three days passed without having news of her.

I considered various hypothesis, such as an accident or a sick or dead relative. Discarding the most dramatic possibilities, I considered the most catastrophic of all, that is that she regretted what happened in front of the theater and that she is avoiding me.

I should follow the lesson and think about my education and my future. Instead, I'm pining away for an amazing girl with brown hair and the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. She could have fooled me, forcing me to admit my feelings only to humiliate me and then disappear.

She could have done it. Could she?

I place my cheek on my hand and I start to scribble on the paper. I didn't think that I could touch the bottom with so much ease. And I can't believe that I have just scribbled her name distractedly. I'm so pathetic sometimes.

The ring of the bell declare the end of the lessons for today. I put my backpack on my shoulder and I place the book under my arm before putting it away in the bag.

"Q, won't you come to the training today?" Santana asks me watching me carrying on the hallway towards the main exit.

"No, I'm not feeling so good" I lie. "Tell the coach I will do some extra training on the weekend."

Santana scrutinizes me, puzzled. It seems like she wants to ask for explanations, but then she simply shrugs saying "Ok, as you want."

She turns to go away and Brittany follows her.

I'm sure she didn't believe me, but they will both cover me with the coach. Now this is not the first of my problems.

I come out of the building and I head to my car in the parking lot. I check my phone and I feel the urge to throw it away. Nothing. No messages, no calls.

I puff irritated. Where the hell is she?

I hear my steps pealing on the ground and echoing, covering my thoughts. The parking lot is empty, there isn't no one besides me. No one but a girl a little shorter than me of some inches, leaning on my car, long brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. She is smiling at me, two adorable dimples appear on the corners of her mouth.

Here is the first of my problems.

"What are you doing here?"

"And hi you too, Quinn. I was expecting a better welcome honestly." Rachel curls up her lips and she frowns at my reaction, her smile immediately disappears.

Maybe I've been rude, but she doesn't reserve kindness. She can forget good manners. I feel the rage rising through my body.

"I'm sorry. I was expecting you wouldn't disappear for three days instead. How is that?" My gaze hardens. I would like to slap her right now.

Rachel breathes noisily. "I'm sorry Quinn. I was only trying to leave you some space after that night. It happened all so fast. I thought that you would have had the need to think about it."

So we are already talking about that night. I realize that I'm not sure if I want to deal with the topic, but the question that has been tormenting me for three days comes out instinctive.

"Did you regret it?"

Her face assumes a hurt expression. "No, Quinn. What are you thinking of?"

I nervously tap my fingers on my arm. Rachel remains staring at me without saying anything. I understand I'm gone too far and I try to explain myself. "I thought you'd have changed your mind" I mumble.

"I didn't" she says firmly, shaking her head. "I don't regret what happened. I've been waiting for that moment for a long time. I couldn't regret it for nothing in the world."

Her words, her look and the sincerity in her voice disarm me so much that my heart splits in two and I feel like an idiot to have thought badly.

"Also, you could have contacted me if you had these doubts. Don't you think?" she tells me with a smile.

I sigh and relax my arms along my hips. "I didn't know what to say and so I left it alone. I was hoping you would make the first step" I admit with sincerity.

She nods and stares at a point on the ground near her. Then she makes me an offer. "I would like to take you to a place. Leave your car here, I will bring you back after."

I agree without thinking about it twice and we both head to her car.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes of travel time in the car spent without talking, we arrive in a green open space lifted up where it could be enjoyed the view of the city. I recognize it because I've been coming often here for picnics when I was younger. Usually on Saturday. Then a day, suddenly, we stopped doing it and I still don't know why.<p>

There's no one but us. We are completely alone. It's the right place for this conversation.

The sun peers out from the clouds and a light and warm breeze raises. It seems like spring will come early this year.

I observe Rachel taking a towel from the trunk and spread it out on the grass. She sits on it and taps two times next to her to exhort me to sit with her. I slowly move closer, unsure of what expect in the next few minutes. I cross my legs and I play with the hem of my coat, hoping to not be the one to break the silence.

"What do you think if we go straight to the point?" Rachel offers.

I promptly nod. "I say that's a great idea."

"Ok. Why did you kiss me?"

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Wow, straight to the point really."

"Sorry, but I don't think it's the case to beat around the bush."

"You're right."

"So?"

I turn to look at her in the eyes. "I told you that same night, Rachel. Which other reasons should there be?" I make a little pause. "I like you. I liked you since the first moment I saw you and not as a friend. I was only afraid to admit it to myself, I was scared and it took time to overtake it."

I take another moment to regain breath.

"That kiss means that I'm not able anymore to hide what I feel, that I can't lie to myself. I can't lie to you anymore, even if I've never been able to really do it. You've always seen things way clearer than me."

"Does it mean only this?"

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"I'm asking you if that kiss means only this for you."

"Explain yourself better, Rachel."

"In these three days I wondered if kissing me has been only a way for you to understand and accept your feelings or it was the beginning of something between us."

"I don't know" I reply, sincerely. I think a moment about what she just said and about the right words to use. "I kissed you because I felt it was the right thing to do. Because I couldn't do without it. But if you are asking me if we will become a couple, I'm not sure how to answer."

"It's exactly what I'm asking you, Quinn. Would you be with me?"

"I don't know, Rachel" I whisper.

"You don't know because people at your school could find it out and judge you? Because your parents wouldn't take it well?" Her voice remains calm and resolute.

"Saying that they wouldn't take it well is an understatement" I admit with a bit of resentment.

"Because I'm a girl."

"Because you're a girl" I echo her, sadly.

Rachel makes herself comfortable and lets a sigh out.

I feel the rage raising and invading my body. "I was raised with the idea that this feelings is wrong. A girl can't fall in love with another girl. For them I can't feel what I feel for you because it's a sin and it's against nature."

"Is it wrong for you to feel it?"

"No, not at all" I immediately say. "But here doesn't matter what I feel or think. They wouldn't understand and wouldn't allow me. I'm on the wrong side. This matters."

A light rush of wind lifts up the corners of the towel.

"I'm aware of my feelings, but it's not as simple as it seems" I confess.

Rachel's gaze softens and I read understanding in her eyes. "Now I understand the situation, Quinn. Before I blamed it only on the fear of accepting your feelings. But now I know that there are other reasons."

I nod energetically, glad that she hit it on the nail.

"What do your dads think?" I ask.

"They taught me to love everyone I want without exception, but they don't know yet that I'm attracted to girls. They won't have problems if I'll tell them that I'm in love with one of them. They are more open on this topic, for obvious reasons." She shrugs.

I take the courage to say what is going around my mind like a spinning top, deleting every other thought. "I don't think there's something wrong in wanting you, Rachel. It's the most right thing that's ever happened to me." My voice trembles, my heart beats faster. I pull out some tuft of grass and I let them fall on the towel, waiting for the clench in my stomach to go away.

"Listen," Rachel begins, taking my face with her hands in order to force me to look at her, "I really want to be with you. It's all I want right now."

Now that she has my completely attention, she slackens off my cheeks and she takes my hand, entwining her fingers with mine. She nervously bites her lip before going on.

"Do you think it's right to repress your feelings only because someone said it's wrong having them? I think not. The obstacles are always there, nothing is really easy, but you don't have to give up on something so special when it comes to you."

I keep listening to her, captivated, without moving a muscle. She caresses my hand with her thumb, tracing little circles on the back of it.

"This is special Quinn. What there's between us is special and I don't want to ignore it. I can't, I'm not able to and, especially, I don't want to." She takes a brief pause, as to leaving me time to absorb every word. "I'd do everything to make you happy, but I don't want to force you into doing something you aren't hundred percent sure. I just want you to know that I am hundred percent sure."

"I want to be with you Rachel" I whisper, answering only now her question and clearing the deeper reason why I kissed her.

"There is a 'but', right?"

I nod. "But we don't have to make it public. We have to do all covertly. I won't tell my friends, nobody has to know it at school. And my parents don't have to suspect anything."

"Okay."

"If you'll want to tell it to your parents, it's okay for me. But not now. Let's wait a little, okay?"

"Okay."

"Rachel, it's essential that nobody knows. If someone discovers it, I'm screwed. And worse, if my dad finds it out, he will kil-"

Rachel gets closer without warning and she presses her lips against mine, forcing me to shut up. I close my eyes at this unexpected contact and I let go all of my thoughts out of my head. Nothing else exists right now. There are not worries and the fear that all the city and the world would find out about us. It's only me and Rachel.

I bring my hands on her back, trying to get her closer to me. The kiss intensifies and it's more secure, less shy then the one we exchanged only three days ago. Rachel plunges her hand in my hair, caressing me delicately. She rubs her nose against mine, tickling me.

"Sssssh. You are more talkative than me sometimes. We spent too much time together, I infected you" she says quietly.

I burst into a soft laugh that still hides part of my anxiety. Rachel becomes aware of it and her voice softens.

"Nobody will know" she reassures me. "We'll be careful and nobody will find out. And I'm not ready to tell my dads yet, so we'll wait for that. We'll decide together when, okay?"

"Okay."

She caresses my cheek delicately. We stay like this, without talking, eyes chained together.

"Did you know that green is my favorite color?" she suddenly asks me.

I lightly shake my head. "No, you didn't tell me."

"Now you know it."

I understand only now that she is referring to my eyes and I violently blush. I hide my face in the cavity between her neck and her shoulder, hoping that she hasn't seen me, but Rachel is faster than me and she unmasks me.

"Don't try to hide! I saw you!" She laughs and takes my chin, forcing me to lift my head.

I let out an embarrassed smile and the red doesn't seem to go away. I abandon myself in her arms and we hold in a hug, our eyes closed. We are so close that I could swear to hear her heart beats against mine.

"You smell so good, Quinn" Rachel murmurs to my ear. "I couldn't get enough of your smell. It's kinda addictive."

I smile against her shoulder and I hold her tighter, afraid that she would run away. It all seems like an unreal dream and I'm scared to open my eyes and realize to be holding onto nothing. But when I do, Rachel is still with me, against me. I can touch her, caress her and kiss her again and again and again.

"Maybe we should go back" she says then. "It's getting late."

I break the hug with reluctance and I nod obligingly. I stand up and I help Rachel to fold up the towel. She puts it in her car and closes the trunk with a curt bump.

I look around before reaching her, sitting on the passenger seat. I catch her staring at a straight point in front of her, the keys already inserted in the quadrant.

"Are you okay?" I ask hesitant.

She turns towards me. "Are you my girlfriend?" she asks me, ignoring my previous question.

I smile sheepishly for some reasons. "Was this point not clear?"

"I only wanted to be sure and to know what we are" she whispers slowly.

I reach her out and I rub a finger on her lips, as to make her shut up, before placing a kiss on them.

"I'm your girlfriend" I murmur with a mellow tone.

"Any afterthoughts? Doubts? Regrets?" she asks again, hopefully.

I press a finger on her lips. "Shut up, Rachel. Do you want me to write it down for you so you can read it a million times while you're in your room all alone?"

Her face lights up, comforted of that confirmation, and I can't help but smile at my girlfriend (I can't believe I'm actually saying this). And for me, having spelled it out, definitely marks the start of something new, something I wasn't aware to crave so intensely until I had it before my very eyes.

She kisses me again before moving back on the road.

For all the travelling time towards school, her hand doesn't leave mine.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_Says something like: you and me babe, how about it?_

* * *

><p>When you are forced to hide a relationship to the outside world, and for the outside world I mean family, friends, teachers, classmates, teammates and the entire town of Lima, you become incredibly sharp. And, unfortunately, also incredibly paranoid. Or at least, it's like that for me.<p>

Rachel seems to live it more thoughtlessly than me, but she's not the one who risks to be put on the electric chair if her parents find out about it. I never fail to remind her that, especially when she looks at me like I'm a candy while we're sitting in the living room of my house with Judy and Russell Fabray around.

In the last weeks I finally got to know her dads, who already adore me, according to Rachel, and I introduced her to my parents. I admit that I'm often on the edge of bursting into laugh when they refer to her as "my friend", but I try to control myself and to keep a low key. According to my father, Rachel "really seems a good girl" and my mom doesn't do anything but ask her about the musical and her projects for the future.

For now things between us are going very well. Sometimes we fight because I'm dating a psychomaniac and I remind her of it every time it comes the occasion, but we make it up with each other the minute after. It's physically impossible for us to be apart.

Speaking of which, it didn't take so much time to break the ice on the topic "kisses and displays of affection in general", not even in the beginning. To be sure, we avoid to put our hands on each other when we are not alone in the house, even if sometimes it's hard to contain ourselves and a kiss slips out anyway. Sometimes even two. Or three.

Some nights ago the situation got out of hand and Hiram Berry almost caught us. We were in Rachel's room and we were watching TV, when the show lost our interest and we decided to do something else. The volume was too high and we didn't hear steps coming. When he knocked the door, we separate instantly. Actually, I almost fell from the bed for the briskness. We came to the point that it's better keeping the volume lower if we find the TV boring again.

Considering the last developments, I avoid to leave my phone unsupervised, especially if Santana is roaming like an hungry vulture. It occurred that she caught me reading a message of Rachel and that she asked me why I had the face of a person who "just saw an angel from Heaven". I also caught her a couple of times peeking over my shoulder while I was writing a message during a lesson.

She's been my friend for a long time, but the less she knows about my extracurricular activities, the better is.

By the way, it's hard to be bored when you are with Rachel. She is like a gun always load, a ball that doesn't stop bouncing and that slips from your hands if you try to hold it. She seems to have a permanent charged battery.

I would be a hundred times more scared of all of this, of the possibility of being discovered and of having to hide, if she wasn't here to give me security.

In spite of everything, there are moments in which I ask to myself if she is serious or not. For example, in one of the rare moments of intimacy that we can allow ourselves a night, when my parents are having a business dinner with some of my father's clients, she comes out with something like, "You know Quinn, we haven't had our first date yet."

"Our first date?" I echo her, keeping on playing with a lock of her hair.

"Yes," she nods, "we've been together for some weeks already and we didn't go out to make it official yet."

I distance my face in order to scrutinize the girl in my arms, a confused expression going with my gesture.

"Rachel, we went out a lot of times!"

"You're right, but we never went out like that."

"And…?" I invite her to go on with her weird thesis with a raised eyebrow.

"And I think that we should go out. I mean, go out go out. Doing what normal couples do."

"Rachel," I interrupt her, "maybe you didn't notice, but we are not what could be defined as a normal couple."

Rachel suddenly clouds over, directing at me a look that promises an imminent outburst of rage.

"No wait" I quickly say to prevent her rant. "I meant that we aren't a normal couple because we can't behave like one, in the broad daylight. Not because this" I say pointing first me and then her "is not normal."

I run a hand on my forehead, sighing. She manages to make me panic in a second.

"Quinn, I perfectly understand your fears and your paranoia, but also friends hang out. Do you really think that every citizen of Lima will bother to observe every single gesture to know if we are friends or lovers?"

I open my mouth to speak, but Rachel hushes me right away, sitting on the bed. "We often went out in the last months. Since we are together, we are always hiding instead. I don't mind being closed in a room with you, but it would be amazing to do something different."

I lean on my elbow and I move my eyes to the wall. "I don't know, Rachel. I don't want to draw the attention on us."

"And you think that let them see us together is enough to rise suspects?" she asks me, her voice vaguely upset. "We're not Hollywood celebrities."

Okay, maybe it's an absurdity and I'm overreacting.

"Quinn" she starts again taking my free hand, her tone of voice more calm and soft. "We don't have to walk in the streets holding hands. Well, it would be fantastic if one day we could do it, but sure not here and not now."

I give her a smile and I suddenly feel more relieved and confident. Rachel comes a little closer and starts to caress my cheek.

"Let's go out. Let's try to live it the most normally we can."

I process her statement for a moment, frowning and scrutinizing her, uncertain. "You want to have an official first date only to make me give you chocolate and flowers as a gift, admit it."

Rachel's face lights up in a smile while she shakes her head. "Your suspicion is offending me, Quinn, and it's completely inappropriate! I wouldn't reject a boxful if you will decide to give me a gift, though. And a rose, of course."

I smile back at her while I delicately stroke her hair.

"So? What do you think?" she asks finally, joining her hands almost as to beg me.

"Okay. Let's do it" I sigh, drawing her on me, our noses touching.

We remain looking at each other in silence, smiling. Our breaths are the only audible sounds in the room.

"You are the best girlfriend in the world" she whispers to me.

I blow out a puff of air, rolling my eyes. "Only because I agreed with giving you our first date?" I joke.

"No. You are, that's it."

She leans over further to give me a kiss. Then they become two kisses. Then three. Then four. And then I forget in what year we are.

"It's not bad to be locked away in a bedroom, isn't it?" I tease her within the kisses.

Rachel smiles on my lips, her eyes closed. "Not at all."

* * *

><p>"Mediocres! Under the shower!" coach Sylvester shouts through the megaphone.<p>

I wipe the sweat off my forehead and I try to catch my breath placing my hands on my knees. The last trainings have been very intense. I have the feeling that the coach wants to make us go to Nationals championship crawling on our elbows. Or on a stretcher.

I'm about to head to the locker room, when the coach calls me asking me to bring the skipping rope in the warehouse near the bleachers.

We started a little time ago to train in the external field and I couldn't wait to being again outside. The sun shines high in the sky and a mild and gentle breeze blows. Better hurry up and go under the shower to avoid having a cold. Coach Sylvester would make me join the Nationals even with a pneumonia.

I put the box in its place next to the soccer balls in the not well-lighted warehouse and I close the door behind me. I made only one step when I feel someone pulling me by my arm and my back bumps against the wall, making me cringe for pain.

I don't even have the time to protest anyway. Rachel's lips are already glued on mine. My hands are blocked on the sides of my head and her body keeps me well pressed on the wall.

"Rachel… Rachel…" I try to say within the kisses. "Rachel, wait. Stop a moment!"

But there is no chance we will stop and my opposition is so weak that it results not so believable, not even to myself.

"Rachel, wait." I finally find the strength to gently push her away, releasing the grip from my hands.

I glance around, wary, carefully controlling to not have unwanted viewers. I bring my attention back to a panting Rachel, with a smirk on her lips and the typical look of a cat that waits for the canary to come out of the cage.

"Rachel," I begin with the calmest tone I can find at the moment, "let's immediately clarify one thing."

"I'm listening, Quinn."

"I'm not going to die of heartache at the age of 17 only because you have a strange conception of improvising" I blurt out raising the voice of one octave.

"It wasn't my intent-"

"And you can't come here" I interrupt her raising my voice, "after making me almost die, and kiss me just like that in the middle of the field."

"Technically we are not in the middle of the field. We are in a remote place, hiding from the bleachers, and no one is here but us" she says, flat. "I'm not that reckless, Quinn."

I take a step forward with that _You're playing with fire_ look of mine, narrowing my eyes and mentally casting curses on Rachel.

"Okay, sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed you here at school."

"No, you should have not done it" I shoot back.

"But I couldn't resist" she tries to justify herself. "I saw you while you where training and you look so charming…" She smiles shyly, taking a step toward me.

I move back, my arms crossed and still that killer look on my face. Thinking over about it, return with the back against the wall was not a good idea.

"What are you doing here, Rach?" I ask, the rage that starts to slowly (very slowly) lessen.

Rachel shrugs. "I was done with studying, I know that on Wednesday you have trainings and I wanted to see you" she explains nonchalantly.

"And what if someone saw you entering the school?"

Rachel raises an eyebrow and burst into a sarcastic laugh. "You are right, Quinn. A seventeen years old girl in a high school is suspicious. Probably I didn't pass by unnoticed."

I puff irritated. "Don't you dare, Rachel. You know the rules. No kisses in public. My school is in that category. Someone could catch us."

She tries to open her mouth to reply, but I interrupt her.

"You shouldn't even be here" I say, pointing a finger against her chest.

"I didn't think that the warehouse had a door that can be closed" she mumbles distractedly, saying her thoughts out loud.

"Rachel!" I snap at her.

"Sorry, sorry." She raise her hands. "I shouldn't had come here and put in danger our dirty little secret. I'm sorry. It will not happen again. You have my word."

It would be much more simple to be angry with her if she wasn't that adorable.

"It's okay" I sigh, getting closer to her. "But it doesn't have to happen again, am I clear?"

"Okay."

"We have time to do those things when we are alone" I murmur, while my cheeks become slightly red.

For the first time in some weeks I feel embarrassed referring to our intimate moments. And, despite of the risk, I have to admit that this situation is tempting and it's causing me a strange feeling in my belly.

"I better go in the locker room now or they would think I'm missing" I say, before doing something I would regret later.

I place a quick kiss on her lips (not before having checked if we are spied) and I move away from her turning back.

"Actually," Rachel begins, running after me and blocking my way, "I also came to confirm our date on Saturday night."

"What date?" I ask confused.

"Well, you know, our official first date. We talked about it."

I sigh, exasperated. "Rachel, we've never decided to set a date on this Saturday."

"I don't see the reason why we should wait" she says shrugging, clear.

I lean my hands on my hips, letting a deep breath out and glancing at the field. I shake my head, dazed. I would have never believed to say this, but Rachel Berry is more back-breaking then a coach Sylvester's training.

I bring my eyes back to the brunette, who is still waiting for my answer.

"I haven't organized anything yet" I admit, flat, hoping to escape in this way.

Rachel smiles. "You don't have to organize anything. Bringing yourself would be enough."

Wow. That was sweet. The desire of slapping her vanishes in a moment. The impulse is to trail her on the warehouse and close the door, as she offered some minutes ago. But no, this girl is wearing you out. _Focus, Quinn._

"Rachel, I'm tired, I'm sweaty and I need to go changing my clothes. If I may."

I'm about to go away but she stops me again, stopping me with one hand and forcing me to remain in front of her.

"Saturday night?" she asks me with a tone it's impossible to say no to.

I chew my bottom lip as I ponder. "Saturday night" I state finally, rolling my eyes.

Rachel lets out a satisfied squeak. "Sorry, I'll let you go now. I won't stop you anymore" she says thrillingly, incapable of containing her happiness.

I burst into laugh and my gaze softens. I resist to the temptation of kissing her. I'm aware of having lost almost all of my dignity in the last few minutes and I would like to keep the rest of it.

"I'll call you later" I say.

"Yeah. But first…" Rachel slowly moves closer and stops a few inches away from my face. She raises her head, her right index draws a vertical line from my chest to my abdomen. Her eyes go from mine to my mouth and then return on my eyes.

She briefly licks her lips and I noisily hold back a breath.

"You look so good in that uniform" she whispers in my ear, raising on the tips of her feet, before disappearing around the corner.

I stand still, my legs flaccid as jelly and the possibility of having become cyanotic by now.

I definitely need a shower.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note<strong>: I'd like to take the chance to wish you all happy holidays :) And thank you, again. I can never thank you enough for the support showed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you_

* * *

><p>I roll another lock of my hair around the hot curling iron, being careful to not burn myself.<p>

"Ouch!" I scream shaking my hand, while I hurry to put my finger under the cold gush of water of the sink.

Famous last words.

I let my hair fall on my shoulders, lightly shaking my head and looking at myself in the mirror.

I'm so nervous for the date with Rachel that burning my finger is the slightest thing that could happen to me. _Watch your mouth Quinn_, I say to myself. _The night hasn't ended yet. _

I smooth my dress with my hands while I check if everything is at its place in front of the closet's mirror. I chose a white dress with a blue pattern and a pair of white flat shoes. Not too casual nor too formal. A middle way, that's it.

I wasn't sure of how to organize this date the best possible. Really, my experience shrinks in a relationship with Finn, where the most elegant thing was going to the fast food with the other cheerleaders and his football's teammates. Not that I know exactly how to behave in these occasions. I didn't have good examples to follow. Rachel seems more refined, obviously, and demanding, I think. Well, definitely more demanding, but I want her to feel like a princess tonight. I'll do the best I can, at least.

I grab my car's keys and I head to the door, when mom comes toward me, her arms folded across her chest and the look of who knows it all.

"How pretty you are tonight" she says, winking. "Where are you running so hastily?"

"Uhm… I'm going out with the girls. Nothing special" I answer, shrugging.

"Nothing special, huh?" She scrutinizes me for a second and I begin to feel the need to come out of the house quickly. "What's his name?" she asks, quirking an eyebrow.

I widen my eyes, gasping. "Mom! There is no him!"

Well, I'm not lying after all.

"I'm going out with my friends, I told you!" My cheeks become slightly red and I start to tap on the door handle.

"Ok, as you like. You don't have to tell me."

"I don't."

"Have a good time, honey" she tells me finally, squeezing my cheek.

"Thanks" I murmur, annoyed.

"I think you went too far with the blusher, by the way" she shouts when I already turned and I am almost out the door.

* * *

><p>I stop the car in front of Rachel's house, glancing at the building and closing my eyes for a moment to focus. Then I take the white rose laying on the passenger seat and I head to the door.<p>

The flowers in the garden's flowerbed that Hiram takes care of are blooming and in the air lingers a sweet and fresh scent at the same time.

I hide the rose behind my back before ringing the bell and Rachel appears on the doorstep after a few seconds, a bright smile that goes from ear to ear. I stay enchanted looking at her, causing her an amused giggle. My eyes run more times from the top to the bottom and then from the bottom to the top. She wears a red dress with a belt of black fabric to the waist and a pair of stocking, black too. Her hair delicately fall fluffy and straight on her shoulders.

"Wow" I only say, breathing out and smiling too.

Rachel giggles again. "You are very pretty too, Quinn".

She comes near me, closing her eyes, but I move my head at the last moment, taking a step back and holding my breath. Rachel opens her eyes, confused, while I nervously glance in the house's direction. I clear my throat, embarrassed.

"What are you hiding back there?" she then asks, opening her face again with a smile.

"Oh… Right." I hand her over the rose, shyly. "I took it for you."

Rachel deeply inhales the scent, her eyes closed. "It smells like Quinn" she sweetly murmurs, rolling the stem in her hands and glancing up.

"So let's go. I booked at Met for 8 pm" I say with a little impatience, looking at the street and then at Rachel again.

"Sure."

I hesitate for a moment, strongly biting my lip. Finally, I shake my head and I go before the girl to my car, feeling her eyes on my back.

* * *

><p>To be honest, the dinner isn't going very well.<p>

Actually, it's revealing itself a complete failure, except for the food that is really delicious. But for Rachel it doesn't seem to be a softening.

We have gone from moments of conversation on school, the Cheerios, _Funny Girl_ to other moments of total silence broken only from the forks' noise on the plates. And then again, moments where we were trying to break the ice, but we inevitably fell in a deep embarrassment.

Rachel placed her hand on the table several times, I believe it's because she was hoping I would decide to take it. But we are not alone, so… I obviously couldn't!

The most embarrassing moment was when, after we finished the second course, our legs touched lightly under the table and I jumped from my seat, pulling back my leg, and with the expression of someone who has received a shock. Rachel stared at me for at least thirty seconds as I'd had just punched her. I don't know why I pulled back in that way. The table cloth is covering us, she could have even rubbed my calf with both her feet for hours without no one to notice.

It isn't going well, so. This mess makes the meetings at the fast foods seem the dates of the century.

"How is the dessert?" I ask at one point, ignoring the glares that the girl in front of me is casting at me.

No answer.

"Don't you like it? Do you want to order something else? Look, we can send it ba-"

"Quinn!"

"What?"

I fall silent and I widen my eyes.

"That's it?"

"What?"

"The date!" Rachel almost screams as she says it. The people at the near table turn to look at us.

I lean toward her. "Rachel, could you please lower your voice? Or do we have to make the other people here participate?" I blurt out irritated.

"I don't care if they are listening to us" she replies, more and more red in the face.

I sigh, resigned. "Can you tell me what's going on now?"

Her eyes fire up with rage. "What's going on? You're asking me what's going on?"

"I can ask you it in another way if you want" I say, smiling jeeringly.

"Are you being a smarty too, Quinn?"

"It's the only way to survive to your insanity" I reply.

Rachel remains shocked, annoyed by my arrogance. I know well that she doesn't stand this kind of behavior. She lets herself fall on the chair, crossing her arms and looking elsewhere, avoiding my eyes. I stay in silence waiting for the next move. Move that doesn't come, strangely.

I raise an eyebrow, eyeing her suspiciously. "So?"

She finally decides to look at me and she leans over to face me. "I'll be honest with you, Quinn. This is not exactly the date I was expecting." She emphasizes what she has just said pointing around us.

"And what were you expecting?" I ask, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Not… this!"

"What's the problem, Rach? I took you with my car, I gave you a rose and I took you out for dinner in one of the most elegant restaurants of Lima. Is this not romantic?"

"It's very romantic, Quinn. If we keep out the fact that you haven't kissed me when you came to take me. You leaved me there like an idiot!"

"Your parents were in the house!" I start to being irritated. "Maybe you forgot that they don't know about us. I didn't want to draw the attention kissing you on the porch in the sunset like a '90s movie."

"And you didn't even take my hand during dinner!" she screams, completely ignoring what I just said.

I narrow my eyes, incredulous for the discussion that is happening. Sometimes she's really irritating. And stubborn. And Rachel Berry.

"Which part of 'I don't want to draw the attention on us' did you miss? How can I take your hand in a popular restaurant on Saturday night in Lima? Then I might as well hang a sign on my neck saying _Hey guys, guess what? We're dating!" _

We remain staring at each other with our arms crossed, heavily breathing. Rachel's feet are nervously tapping under the table.

"And lower your voice, please" I add with my hands joined, almost begging her. "We look like a couple who's arguing."

"That's exactly what we are: a couple who's arguing. I'm done!" she suddenly blurts out rejecting the plate in front of her.

I don't believe to my ears.

"Excuse me?"

"I've finished. You can take me home" she slowly remarks.

"You can't be serious" I say almost laughing.

"I'm dead serious instead. We can go now" she growls gritting her teeth.

I think about it a few seconds, while I decide how to proceed.

"Ok" I finally say. I take from my wallet two bills and I put them in the menu.

Rachel wavers before getting up and following me outside the restaurant, as if she didn't expect I'd be so accommodating to her complaints. Sometimes I think she feels a sort of insane pleasure in fighting.

I drive in silence and I see Rachel looking at me time to time from my peripheral. After several failed attempts, she approaches me weakly.

"Are you angry?" she asks with a guilty tone of voice

"No" I cut short.

I go through the city heading to the state highway and she notices that.

"Quinn, my house isn't in this direction" she affirms uncertain, looking out of the car window.

"I know."

Rachel appears even more confused. "O-oookay?" She turns completely toward me. "I thought we were heading there?"

"You thought wrong" I reply with a neutral tone.

"Quinn, where are we going?" she asks cautiously. And maybe a bit frighteningly.

I burst into laugh in front of that reaction. "Are you scared that I will cut you into pieces in a wood and that I will throw your remains away in a river?" I ask, sarcastic.

"You are such an idiot" she mutters, sinking in the seat and turning to the car window again. Her lips curl up in a pout.

I smile covertly at the image, but no, I can't waver now that I have her on a string only because she's adorable when she gets mad.

"Keep calm, Rachel. Enjoy your travel and breathe" I say, aware of making her even more mad. "We are almost there" I add after a pause.

"Even if you haven't told me where we are head to" she retorts in a singsong, always turned to the outside.

I roll my eyes. "You'll see."

* * *

><p>I park my car behind a discarded building. I'm the first to come out. Rachel is suspicious and she's waiting for me to make her a gesture before reaching me, hesitating however. The lighting is lacking and the place is deserted.<p>

I already feel the pain in my head for the hail of comments that is about to arrive. Comments that, as I said, don't fail to spill on me.

"I know that you wanted to murder me, Quinn. In fact, here we are! I bet that in one of these buildings there are tools as chainsaws and pincers, ready to be used on me".

I ignore her absurd deliriousness and I take a key from my bag. I go near a gate and I insert it in the lock. I let my girlfriend pass and we go together along a narrow street.

"Now can you tell me what are we doing here?" she asks again, always demanding.

"Only a moment and you will see by yourself" I reply flat.

Rachel heavily puffs, glaring at me. I walk faster and I go before her on the path.

"Am I wrong or are we in a luna park?" she looks around suspicious, remaining always several steps behind me.

"You are not wrong."

"But… What are we doing in a closed luna park on Saturday night?" Her voice becomes upset, raising of some tones. "Sorry, but I don't find a sense in this."

I suddenly stop and Rachel bumps against my back. I turn to her, fire in my eyes. I'm seriously tempted to put a piece of scotch-tape on her mouth, but I only say "I hope that you don't have fear of heights" with a tone so sharp that I still wonder where it came out from.

Rachel widens her eyes and I start to walk again, leaving her stunned.

"N-n-no I don't have fear of heights" she shouts as she follows me in hurry. "You know that. I told you the night we met."

"Oh, you're right, Rach. I didn't recall that particular. My bad" I say sarcastically.

"But I do fear I have understood your intentions" she retorts.

I ignore her, keeping going in the direction of the Ferris wheel. "You are really perceptive" I make fun of her then, rolling my eyes.

I go up the stairs and I head to the box, where the owner is waiting for me. He waves at me as he recognizes me and he pulls a lever next to him. The lights turn on and the wheel starts to function.

"Quinn, do you want to make us go to the jail?" Rachel asks while I take out a cloth from one of the capsules.

"Not really." I let the cloth fall on the path. "He's Tom, by the way" I say pointing to the guy behind the window who waves at Rachel with a gesture of his head.

Rachel studies the structure in iron, uncertain. "And if we remain stuck right there?"

"It won't happen. Tom is here exactly to make us get off. Ten minutes and we'll come down. Nobody will notice us." I enter in the cabin and I stretch my hand toward her. "Are you coming or not?"

After a moment of hesitation, Rachel grabs my hand and gets with me into the capsule. We seat and after a moment the machinery starts to move.

"We shouldn't be here. I don't think it's legal at all" she says gravely. "The luna park is closed. What if we're not insured against injuries? And is that Tom guy the real owner of the Ferris wheel? And what luna park on Earth is closed on Saturday night, by the way?"

"Shut up, Rachel."

We find ourselves on the top, a breathtaking view, the houses' lights in the distance and the stars above us. Not a cloud darkening the sky.

After a long time, Rachel's face softens bursting in a big smile. I remain enchanted staring at her, smiling too. I bring my arm around her shoulder and I get her closer to me. She sighs and puts her head between the cavity between my neck and my shoulder, pressing against my body.

"How did you organize all of this?" she asks me thrilled once the capsule stops.

"Well, I came here on Thursday afternoon and I corrupted the owner of the wheel" I quietly explain. "Then he gave me the keys of the secondary gate and I promised to not get him into troubles. Oh, and I handed him over a bill for the bother."

Rachel smiles against my neck and her breath on my skin makes my body shiver. We stay in contemplation of the night, clinging to each other. I place a kiss on Rachel's head breathing the scent of her hair.

"Sorry if I behaved like a complete fool" she suddenly says sweetly.

I glance down at her. "Rach, I don't understand. You are apologizing for having got mad or for being crazy 24/7?" I tease.

She hits me softly in the ribcage and we both burst into laugh.

"I'm being serious. I overreacted early" she continues. "I shouldn't have gotten that mad. I have no excuses actually. You set up a perfect first date and I couldn't ask for more."

She lifts her head and kisses me. She brings her arms around my neck and presses harder our lips together. I feel my heart splitting from my chest and I wish I could only laugh and cry at the same time. The first sensation seems to prevail, but I force myself to not smile scared of interrupting this kiss.

Rachel moves away, slowly opening her eyes. Now I can smile, facing her.

"And I'm sorry for having risked to being caught" she apologizes again, lowering her voice and becoming more serious.

I understand that she is referring to the other day in the football field.

"And I'm sorry for having gotten mad because you didn't kiss me in front of my house or because you didn't take my hand during our dinner" she goes on. "I was not mad at you. It's only that… It's unfair not being able to take my girlfriend's hand if I want to do that."

"I know" I say in hurry, interrupting her.

These weeks with Rachel made me understand how her twisted mind works and deep down I know why she reacted in that way.

"But we have to stand with this for now" I murmur, nuzzling my nose against her cheek.

"I wish I could be here and not come down anymore, Quinn. I don't want to come back to real life yet" she says with a light melancholy in her eyes.

I take her face in my hands and I kiss her again, gently.

"But we are here now."

Rachel smiles without pulling out her eyes from mine. "We are here now."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

* * *

><p>An earthquake.<p>

This was my first thought when I felt everything around me vibrating, to then realizing a second later that it could not be other than the alarm clock. Not an earthquake.

I look for my phone on the bedside table with my hand, my face still sunk in the pillow, and I manage to stop that infernal noise. Then I cuddle up again under the covers. I was convinced I didn't set the alarm clock last night. The alarm clock on Saturday morning should be illegal.

My phone vibrates again after a few seconds.

I finally decide to raise my head from the pillow with a grunt and I grab it with a quick move of my hand.

No, that's not the alarm clock.

"Rachel?" I say hesitantly, my voice dried up for the sleepiness, after having brought the device to my ear.

"I can't believe you refused my call."

I sigh aggravated. "Rachel, I didn't hang up. I thought it was the alarm clock and I turned it off."

Then I look around confused, sitting on my bed and trying to find any sign of what day is it today, what month and especially what time.

"But what time is it?" I ask more to myself than to her, grumbling like a kid.

"9 am."

"Rachel, why would you call me at this time of the morning?" I mutter in a moan, throwing back my head on the pillow.

I hear her puffing from the other side of the receiver. "Quinn, 9 am it's not early! You would be up too if you didn't go getting drunk with your slaves and those thugs until the sunrise."

"To begin with, I didn't come home at sunrise" I say. "It was earlier. And then, could you please not scream? My head is blowing up..."

"Take an analgesic and have a hot shower" she demands, still with that tone that doesn't admit replies she apparently has fun using. "I'll be there in a hour and a half."

"Wait wait wait" I slur confusedly. I think I got lost in the middle of the conversation. "Here? For what?"

"You let me do what I need to" she giggles. "Get ready for that time. Considering that you are a car wreck, I allow you some minute of delay."

"Ok" I accept, hesitant. "See you later."

I hung up and I stare at the ceiling, in a kind of a spin, my eyes begging me to being closed.

Where does she find all that energy?

* * *

><p>Rachel comes in time, radiant as someone who has just won the lottery as she gets out of her car. And incredibly beautiful.<p>

"Has the headache gone away?" she asks me, placing a light kiss on my cheek and biting her lip to keep her from going further.

I answer with a feeble smile. I think that she doesn't know how to interpret it because she scrutinizes me with a confused expression. To be true, I wouldn't know how to interpret it too if I were her. The daylight has just blinded me and I don't know if and when I will be able to see again.

She lets out a giggle. "I'll take it as a no. You aren't feeling good, huh?" she makes fun of me, a velvet tone of voice, tenderly caressing my cheek with her fingers. I could sleep again standing here.

"I'm afraid that my head could crack in two shortly, but I've been through worse. I can't complain at all" I answer, shrugging. "Rachel, I washed and dressed myself as you asked me, but you haven't told me yet why you are here" I say as I point out the yellow dress I'm wearing. "I mean, am I dressed appropriate or should I wear something else?"

She gives me a smile so warm that the sun becomes suddenly cold in comparison. "That's perfect this way."

I lightly blush to then clearing my throat. "So? Are we going somewhere?"

Rachel nods, utterly excited. "Tell your parents you will come home tonight before dinner and then come in the car. You'll see all by yourself."

* * *

><p>We spend almost an hour in the car, half-spent with Rachel who warns me against alcohol's dangers.<p>

"Rachel, for the last time, I only drunk one shot."

She raises her eyebrow, looking at me sideways.

"Ok, maybe two or three."

"I would say four too" she says, bursting into a choked laugh.

I cover my face with a hand, sighing heavily. "It was a party, Rachel. What do you think it could happen to me if I have fun with my friends?"

"You can have fun in other ways, without having to finish the night crawling on your elbows." She points her finger against my arm. "Have you any idea of the risks you could go through? Smash-ups, unexpected pregnancy. Just for examples."

"Just to begin with, I was not driving. And second, do you know how reproduction works, Rachel?" I ask, keeping me from laughing. "It requires the presence of a male and a female and I think it's pretty clear I'm not interested."

Rachel puffs, waving her hand as to cross out everything I just said. "You could be so confused to not be aware of it. I'm not going to apologize for being afraid for your own safety."

"Sure." I smile sarcastically.

Rachel turns up the volume on the radio a little bit as a new song starts and the conversation dies out there. Finally. I will have to take another analgesic at this rate.

"I didn't know you listen to the _Journey, _by the way" I say half way between amusement and surprise.

"They're cool" she exclaims. "And, by the way, there are a lot of things you don't know about me, Quinn" she adds.

"Yeah, they're cool" I reply, choosing to ignore her second statement.

"Do you like this song?" she asks.

"_Open arms_? Yes, a lot. But honestly I didn't peg you for a _Journey_ girl."

She smirks. "As I said, there are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"I can't wait to know you well then. All your sides. And all your edges as well" I tease her, but I regret my perkiness in the instant I feel my cheeks flush violently.

"Ditto" she says as she pinches my face in the right spot it was already red.

Damn. She notices everything.

"Even though this morning I'm a zombie in a catatonic state," I suddenly decide to change the topic, "I still have the faculty to read the road signs. We are going to the lake, right?"

"Maybe" Rachel answers slippery, shrugging.

I stare at her while she presses the wheel with her hands, her eyes pointed on the road ahead, without flinching, a smile that widens more and more on her face.

She looks so pretty in that blue dress.

"Something wrong, Quinn?" she suddenly asks, feeling observed.

"Nothing". I shake my head. "I was only staring at you."

Now it's her turn to blush. "You can go on if you want" she tells me with low voice and turning to look at me in the eyes for half a second before bring hers back on the road.

"I want."

If my mother was here, she would tell Rachel that she went too far with the blusher.

* * *

><p>Obviously I was not wrong and we arrive on the shores of the lake a moment after. I breathe the fresh air full-throated and I walk a little on the grass around. A day outdoors is what I need.<p>

I observe Rachel unloading a picnic basket and a towel from the trunk. Got it. There aren't other possible activities to do at a lake and today is the right day for a picnic.

"Are we going to stay under that tree right there?" I ask pointing behind me.

"No, we are not staying in here."

Ok, now I'm confused. "And where then?"

"Now you'll see" she smiles, closing the trunk and holding the basket and the towel. She comes near me and offers me her free hand that I don't hesitate to grab. She places a kiss on my cheek.

"Let's go."

I let her guide me toward a little jetty, to which is docked a small wooden platform. It isn't so big, it is more or less a square of eight feet for every side, with a railing around it.

"Are we staying there?" I ask, unsure, raising a finger toward the structure.

In the meantime Rachel has already left the grip from my hand and she has walked through half of the jetty, when she turns towards me blatantly nodding. She puts the picnic basket on the ground.

"We'll stay attached to the jetty with that hawser and we'll push off. When we are ready, we'll come back here. Pulling a little the hawser would be enough. I've already done it, it's not as heavy as it seems."

I lapse into a smile. "Rachel, I… I don't know what to say" I say shaking my head, incredulous.

"You don't have to say anything" she says almost in a whisper.

So, I say nothing more. I reach her at the end of the jetty, unable to take my eyes off of her.

"Your carriage, madame" she says with a swollen tone while she opens the little gate, allowing me to come up the platform. I can't stop from laughing. It's all so ridiculously... sweet.

Rachel comes up right after me and I help her to prepare the picnic while we slowly distance ourselves from the shore. She didn't give her limits for the lunch. She prepared sandwiches, a chocolate cake, a basket of red and juicy strawberries, and bunch of grapes.

"Have you prepared all this morning?" I ask scrutinizing the improvised table with my eyes wide open.

"Something last night, something this morning" she smoothly answers, while she pours me a glass of water. "I made the cake yesterday while you were in the grip of the flood of alcohol."

I violently roll my eyes, making her laugh. "Rachel, how long will you rub this story in?"

She raises her eyes up, pretending to be thinking about it. "For a bit, Quinn."

We are already far away when a grumble of my stomach requires my attention. A grumble pretty noisy and persistent.

"You are hungry, aren't you?" she provokes me with a half smile. "You can start if you want. Probably you have been empty stomach since last night."

"Rachel!" I scold her, losing my patience.

She bursts into laugh, taking my hand and kissing it. "I'll stop, sorry."

"If you don't stop, I will throw you in the lake and I'll make you go back to the shore swimming. Yours the choice."

"I'm good right here, thanks" she says in hurry.

I grab a sandwich and I start to devour it. Fuck the good manners. I'm starving. Rachel stares at me amused.

"What?" I mumble, suddenly stopping.

"Nobody will take it away from you if you eat it more slowly."

I shrug and I take another one from the plate, keeping on guzzling myself as if I haven't been eating for a year.

"Don't you eat?" I ask her with my mouth full.

Rachel winces as if someone had just snapped his fingers in front of her. "Maybe I better start too, before there will be nothing left." She smiles amusedly.

"Sorry." I swallow the last bite and I smile guilty. "Is it yours?'" I ask, tapping on the wood and thanking God I found another topic. I would expect a rant about my manners at this point.

Rachel shakes her head. "I rented it."

"Oh... I didn't think it could be rented. Actually, I didn't even know they existed."

"Neither did I. I did some research" she answers obvious, taking another sip of water.

"Why have you set up all of this?" My voice comes out thin, almost as if every answer I'll receive would not be enough to explain such a lovely gesture.

"I wanted to thank you. You know, for the Ferris wheel and everything. And I wanted to do something nice for you." Her gaze lingers on me. "Make you feel special" she mumbles.

Something in her way of looking at me, her tone of voice maybe, makes me lightly tremble and flush.

"You did it."

I clear my throat. I'm not even sure she heard me.

We keep on eating in silence in the following minutes. The water smashes on the sides of the platform, making it slowly sway. I had to be really hungry because there is no sandwich left in the plate.

"I assume you liked it" Rachel says, leaning over me to give me a kiss.

No, actually she grabs a strawberry from the basket next to my arm. I stay astonished, blinking more times. She doesn't seem to have noticed that she left me waiting like an idiot. It's what I imagine I look like right now.

I see her biting the strawberry. A bit of juice drips on her chin and she cleans herself with the back of her hand. She is looking at a point in the distance, ignoring the fact that I can't keep my eyes off of her. She suddenly turns toward me, making me jump. She runs her tongue on her lips and smiles at me.

"Would you like a piece of cake?"

I nod, distant. Sometimes I wonder if she notices that she makes me go insane with little things. If she does, she's really cruel.

I'm about to grab the piece of cake from her hand, but she stops me, leading it to my mouth for herself. I bite it a little and I observe her biting it in turn.

"So," she starts, "we are here, the two of us only, surrounded by water." There is a strange light in her eyes and my throat becomes dry on the instant. "What do you want to do?" she asks me in a whisper.

I don't answer, but I push me over her, slowly laying her down on the towel.

"We need a pillow" I say.

"It doesn't matter" she whispers, drawing me to her and kissing me. She tastes of chocolate, just like her eyes. I take her face with my hands, keeping on kissing her, her hands open on my back.

Rachel inverts our positions, matching the kisses with caresses on my cheeks and then down on my hips. She smiles on my lips. "I don't remember where I left the piece of cake."

She is about to go and find it, but I stop her, stroking her face with my hands and grabbing gently her lower lip with my teeth, kissing and sucking. Rachel giggles against my mouth, leaning back on me.

"What if it is stuckon your back?" she asks within the kisses.

"I don't care" I whisper.

I softly bite her neck, making her moan and arch a little, pushing our bodies even closer. My hands curl around her waist and press firmly as I find her lips again. We kiss harder and deeper, our mouths crashing and craving for more contact. Rachel releases the grip from my face to bury her hands in my hair.

"Quinn?" she breathes.

Her eyes linger a moment on mine, unsure. She opens her mouth again, in an attempt to say something else. Something that doesn't come out.

"What?" I smile at her, trying to invite her to talk. "Something's wrong?"

Rachel keep staring at me for a while. Then she shakes her head and cracks a small smile. "Nothing". She brings her lips back on mine, after hesitating once more. "Nothing at all."

* * *

><p>"Quinn, it seems like you are about to fall asleep from a moment to another."<p>

"That's not true" I say in hurry, controlling the tone of my voice and widening my eyes.

Rachel raises her head from my chest right in that moment, glancing at me and repressing a smile. "I can feel it from the way you breathe" she tells me, placing again her head on me. "Sometimes your rhythm changes and it casually happens when you are not talking for a bit."

I've been caught, once again! Sometimes she really scares me.

"Ok, it may be that I closed my eyes for a minute or two" I admit shyly.

Rachel shifts on a side,pressing her nose against my cheek and caressing the other one with her hand. "You can sleep a little, if you want" she murmurs softly.

"No, that's okay."

I turn completely towards her, kissing the tip of her nose and putting my arm under her head to make her feel more comfortable.

"Quinn, wouldn't be amazing if this lake didn't have any confines and we could make the current drag us far away from here?" she suddenly asks, so suddenly that I'm scared I fell asleep and I skipped a part of her speech. She looks at the sky in a dreamy way, a little smile wrinkling her lips.

I put a hand on my forehead, my body lightly shakes from laughing. Rachel looks at me offended.

"That's not possible, Rachel."

She puffs, crossing her arms and pouting. "I know that it's not possible. I only asked you if it would be amazing for you. You haven't the slightest fantasy, Quinn" she mutters, still avoiding my look.

I sweetly caress her hair. "I don't need fantasy. You are real."

"You should write a tutorial on how to make my defenses fall down" she says, holding me tight and leaving me a soft kiss. "And, I repeat it again, you can sleep if you want." She giggles. "It's okay for me."

"Are you sure?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes, slumberous.

She doesn't answer right away, but she kisses my forehead slowly and, for what I know, she keeps on caressing me for all the time I'm sleeping.

A second right before I fall asleep I think I hear her saying "Yes, love. I'm sure", but maybe I was already dreaming.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_Whenever I'm alone with you…_

* * *

><p>"Here." Mom leaves the dish in front of me. She places a kiss on my temple that I try to avoid at the last moment moving my head on a side. "Enjoy your meal, honey."<p>

"Mom! I'm not five!" I complain with a tone that contradicts what I just said.

She sticks her tongue out going back to the burner. "For me it's like you were."

I roll my eyes while I take the first cut of my egg from the plate.

"You'll always be our little Quinnie for us." My dad comes in the kitchen. He walks by me and he lightly touches my shoulder, sitting down then on the chair near mine at the head of the table.

I shake my head, smiling at the thought of that gesture and keeping on eating my breakfast.

There are moments like this when I feel secure between these walls, like when you are a little girl and a hug from your mother or your father is enough to not have any fear of the monsters under the bed or in the closet anymore. But then I think that this house is the most dangerous place for the secret I have to keep and I would go pulling the covers up to my forehead. No hugs at that point.

My stomach suddenly closes at these thoughts and I am not so hungry anymore.

"The gardener should come in the afternoon, Judy" dad says addressing to my mom with a distant tone, while he opens the newspaper on the table. Mom makes a gesture of approval. She pours a cup of coffee for her and my father, finally sitting down at the table.

"You know," he starts again, always with that absent-minded tone "I was thinking we should go to our lake house this week-end."

"It's a wonderful idea, dear" mom says, lighting up. "The weather is so beautiful these days."

"You could invite your friend Rachel."

I'm not aware of the fact that he is talking to me till I don't raise my eyes, an indefinite number of seconds later, and I meet two pairs of eyes that are staring at me waiting for an answer.

"Sorry, I was distracted" I lie. "I didn't understand."

"I was saying" he patiently repeats, "that you could invite your friend Rachel to join us this week-end."

I understood very well. How I would have wanted to be wrong.

"At the lake?" I widen my eyes in a not so subtle way.

"Yes."

"This week-end?"

"Yes, Quinnie." He bursts into laugh, exchanging a conspiratorial look with my mother. "Someone's still sleeping here."

He finishes his coffee with a sip and folds the newspaper, putting it under his arm. "Ask it to her and tell her that I don't accept a no as an answer" he says while he leaves the room.

I remain dazed from the events. I go back to stare at my plate and I force myself to finish my breakfast in hurry, hoping that the conversation is done till new developments.

Once I finish to eat, I put the plate in the sink. I quickly hug my mother, after a moment of hesitation, and I smile weakly at her. She smiles back, surprised, and watches me going out of the room.

When I was a little girl it always worked.

* * *

><p>"At the lake? This week-end?" Rachel almost screams through the receiver.<p>

I contain the laughter for her reaction. Nothing is funny actually, but still.

"Are you sure it is a good idea, Quinn?"

A light breeze ruffles my hair. I lean with my back against a trunk and I take a deep breath. "Honestly, I don't know".

An ironic pant reaches my ear. "Telling them that this week-end I'm busy and I can't come would be enough" she suggests, flat.

"But you are not actually busy, Rachel."

"Your parents don't know" she replies, obvious.

"But I do know and this would make you a bad girlfriend" I tease her.

I hear her puff again. She is in a tight spot.

I begin to scratch the bark of the tree with the heel of my shoe, nervously.

"I don't know, Quinn" she starts again after a brief silence. "Sometimes it's almost a problem to spent a few hours with them around. Spending two entire days under the same roof seems like directly going to the wolf's nest."

She's not wrong actually.

"You're right, but what choice do we have? They think we are friends, luckily. Let's act like friends" I finally say, almost exhausted.

Another brief moment of silence passes by, interrupted only by our breaths through the receiver.

"We have just been at the lake."

"And so?" I ask confused. "They don't know we've just been there. Do you think this is enough to exonerate you?"

"Also, rainfalls are expected for this week-end" she goes on, ignoring me. "I don't think it's a good id-"

"Rachel." I let out a sigh that goes between a laugh and an exasperated mumble. "I'm wasting my lunch break for this matter. Stop inventing excuses and come with us. Please."

"Sharing the same roof with the Fabrays means sharing the roof with you too" she states, pretending to be pensive.

"So?"

"So going in the wolf's nest will be worth it" she finally says whispering. "Tell them I'll be there."

I bit my lip holding back a smile, without being able to do it anyway. "Thank you" I softly murmur.

I hung up and I stop to look around. There are other students in the yard. Someone who reads, someone who is talking, someone who has decided to have lunch outside, someone who simply remains seated enjoying the sun. I didn't even notice their presence during the conversation with Rachel.

_It's all under control_, I think while I come back in the building.

It will be an unforgettable week-end.

* * *

><p>We leave on early Saturday morning and we arrive at the lake a little before 10 pm. We always spent time here in summer when I was younger. Then we started to come only sometimes in the week end, rarely every time. I always adored this place, but now it seems like the wolf's nest.<p>

Honestly, I still don't how to deal with these two days. I cared about having Rachel here. A friend who spends with you the weekend at the lake is totally normal. And we have to act normal.

I'm not having so much success, however, and the key word till now has been "awkwardness", not "normality". All of my good intentions vanished right away during our travel in the car. Having Rachel seated on the seat next to mine without being able to behave in the way that it's the most normal for the two of us, seems like a contradiction.

At some point I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep, both to make the time pass by and to avoid to surrender to uncomfortable temptations. I didn't speak a word not even once we arrived.

Otherwise Rachel seems really comfortable. She smoothly talks with my mother while she helps her to change the sheets in the various bedroom, or while we help her preparing lunch. But I'm so nervous that I risked to drop a plate on the ground when we accidentally touched with our hands during the preparation.

Rachel takes me aside while my dad is outside assembling the plastic table in the garden and my mom answers the phone. "I'm scared to remain struck only by touching you, Quinn" she murmurs disturbed, grabbing me from the shoulders and forcing me to look right in her eyes. "Try to stay calm."

"I wish I could."

A mischievous sneer appears on her face. "Maybe I know what could help you." She looks around stealthily before drawing me toward her, holding my face with her hands and leaving a kiss on my mouth half open. I was about to ask her what she was going to do, but now it's all so much clear.

She moves away, winking at me. I remain speechless while she turns and starts to mess around with the knifes and recipes for the salad, a satisfied smirk on her lips.

"If you thought this would calm me, you failed miserably" I comment sarcastically. "Now it's even worse."

We both laugh quietly. Rachel pinches my hip making me move quickly away. I'm about to respond to the outrage, when my mom comes again in the kitchen.

"Did I miss something?" she asks happily.

We recompose right away and become serious again, concentrated in our work. "Nothing" we say in choir.

I risk to cut away the phalanx of my index in the meantime, thing that Rachel seems to enjoy a lot.

Mom exits again, this time with a pile of plates in her hand to set the table in the garden. Rachel takes advantage again of the moment of solitude.

"Keep calm, okay? Try to relax and everything will be alright. We are not going to tell them about us." She lets out a giggle.

I freeze at the thought. "Don't say it anymore, please."

Rachel laughs.

"I wish I could be alone with you" I murmur then, out of the corner of my mouth. It's more a way to let off some steam than a comment pointed towards her.

Rachel holds my hand placed on the counter, but she pulls it away when we hear some steps.

"Quinn, if you are done can you come to help me with the table?" my mom asks.

"Two minutes and I'm there, mom."

Two minutes later I grumble and, without saying anything, I come out of the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Dad pours another glass of wine, setting then comfortably against the seatback.<p>

"And from this audition depends your admission, right?" he asks interested in Rachel.

"Pretty much." She begins to distractedly play with the edge of the tablecloth, directing a quick smile to my parents.

"For when is it set?"

"For the last week of April. For now I only received my letter of admission for the finalists. The exact date will be communicated in the following days."

The instinct is to hold Rachel's hand and give her a kiss, reassuring her on the good result of the audition. Instead I only remain seated next to her, smiling at her from time to time. I know how she's nervous for that date, even if she tries in every way to hide it.

"I remember when I was waiting for the college's letters of admission at my last year" my dad says losing his gaze in some corner of his past. Mom joins him nodding solemnly.

"Quinn told us that you are really good. We are sure you won't have problems with the admission at NYADA".

I'm surprised for the behavior my parents, especially my father, have with Rachel. One would say that they really like her. I believe that they are really happy of our friendship. The fact that they invited her here with us confirms it.

They are glad of our friendship, of course. They wouldn't be happy to find out the truth. I cloud over at the idea and I flounder on my seat to find a different position, almost as I was uncomfortable.

Rachel looks at me interrogatively and I shake my head.

"We are waiting for the letters for Quinnie too" dad begins, distracting me from my thoughts. "Columbia couldn't say no to you" he looks at me with a proud smile.

"The photos you attached to the letter were simply amazing, sweetheart" mom says.

I lightly blush. "You are biased" I mumble embarrassed.

"Biased or not, they were wonderful. This would be noticed by everyone". She turns to Rachel. "Have you seen them?"

"Actually she didn't let me see them" she says with a half tone of reproach in her voice, turning toward me and hitting on my leg with her knuckles.

"She put also some of the ones that she took at the Autumn fair" mom informs with a nonchalant tone. She takes the knife and asks, "More dessert?"

"For me" I say in hurry, handing over my plate and standing straight on my seat.

Rachel's eyes fixate on me and I feel blushing. "Burning" maybe gives better the idea.

While I eat my piece of cake the conversation changes on how my parents are proud of me. This doesn't help to make the red go away.

"I'm not in yet, dad" I interfere sharply.

He stands up, making sure to set the chair under the table. "It's only a matter of time."

He is about to go in the house, but he stops after a few steps. He aims to both of us this time. "And you two could even meet again in New York in September."

Mom starts to clear the table with a satisfied look and she disappears in the kitchen. I finally turn to face Rachel who is still staring at me with a content expression, almost near to gratitude. Even if I don't know well for what she could be grateful for.

"What?" I ask then.

"Nothing" she whispers.

She stands up and piles up the plates left. I ask her to sit again next to me and I remind her that she is still a guest. She seems to not be listening to me though.

She looks at me again, before saying with a smooth tone, "It's only that I'm very happy, Quinn" and heading to the house.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passes. I hoped to being able to have a little time alone with Rachel, but mom and dad seem to have a pact in order to make me have a nervous breakdown.<p>

We, in fact, spend the afternoon on the little motorboat of our property. The entire afternoon. Rachel's proximity without really having her near provokes me such an itch on my hands that I would throw the spouses Fabray out the motorboat.

"Don't worry" she whispers in my ear in a moment of distraction. "We'll find a little time for us later." And she leaves, winking teasingly.

Nothing more wrong. After dinner we decide to watch a movie in the living room, keeping the security distance. She is leaning on an arm, I'm leaning on the other one. The victim of my rage is the remote control, but I can't pour it out, otherwise I should explain the reason why I threw the control against the wall, smashing it.

At some point, dejected, I excuse myself faking an headache and I retire to my bedroom.

I'm stretched out on my bed and I've been reading for an undefined number of hours when I hear a weak knocking at my door.

I sit on my bed, keeping an eye out. Another bang.

Rachel peers out in my room, closing quietly the door behind her. I place the book on my bedside table and I move to her.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, keeping a lower tone of voice.

She doesn't answer, but she throws her arms around my neck pressing our bodies and our lips together. I immediately kiss her back and I hold her tight against me.

"I couldn't resist anymore" she tells me with a choked laugh.

Rachel slowly pushes me back and she makes me lay down on the bed, always making sure to not make any sound. I open my mouth, allowing her tongue to meet mine. We kiss as if we hadn't kissed for a century. Everything that can be heard in the silence is only the sound of our gasps and moans.

What if we are not the only ones to hear them?

I abruptly open my eyes wide, moving her from me delicately. "I can't, Rachel."

She looks at me vaguely irritated. "I thought you wanted a little time for us. You are contradictory, Quinn."

I rearrange my hair, puffing. "I want it, but not here. My parents are in the near bedroom."

"But they are sleeping and we are not making any noise."

"They could wake up anyway" I retort, obstinately.

"Then come in my room" she suggests, obvious.

"And if they wake up and find us in the same room together?"

Now she is really irritated and she gives me a withering look. "It would be nothing strange. We could simply be awake to exchange confidences with each other. Friends do it."

I start to not tolerate that word.

"Better not, Rachel" I finally declare.

She stands up from the bed, accurately avoiding to look at me. I'm already ready to stand up too and stop her from leaving the room without having the security that she's not mad. It's already hard to manage all of this. I'm not going to do it having to care about an angry Rachel Berry too.

Instead she totally surprises me and goes near the window next to my bed, watching outside and then turning to me, a half smirk on her face.

"Then let's go out."

"Excuse me?"

"Let's go outside" she says again with calmness. "So we don't risk to wake them up and we can be for a little while alone."

"Rachel," I begin, trying to not get mad, "did you think about what they would think if they'd wake up and not find us in our beds? No freaking way!"

"Quinn, we are not two babies! Why would they wake up in the middle of the night to control if we are in our beds?" Her look lights up with rage. "Let's go out a bit and then we'll come back. Nobody will notice it" she whispers again, coming near me.

I don't know what has convinced me. I keep on asking it myself while I wear the first clothes I can take from the suitcase and while I wait that Rachel comes back from her room. I ask it to myself even while I climb over the window sill and I put my feet on the grass. I come to the conclusion that maybe I went too far with my anxiety and it was only this to convince myself to follow Rachel through the trees to the back of the house.

It's not the desire to feel strong emotions. That one really isn't missing. No, I accepted because there isn't the reason to worry. What should go wrong?

We walk for some yards hand in hand, stopping an infinity of times to kiss and cuddle. There isn't a reason to hold back the laughters now. Nobody will hear us here.

"You are too nervous" she whispers, pressing a hand against my sternum and pushing me against a tree-trunk. We are far away enough from the house.

She leaves little kisses on my neck that provoke me continuous shivers. I move my hands under her shirt, touching the warmth of her skin. I dunk my fingers in her back and I caress itslowly. Her body quivers under my touch and I catch a spark of excitement in her eyes.

"It's better here, don't you think?" she pants.

"Ssssh stop talking."

She smirks mischievously, her chest heaving up and down. She cups my cheeks in her hands and I pull her into me, steadily and possessively. Our bodies slide perfectly together like they were made just for each other. Rachel captures my lips between hers, softly at first and greedily at a later time. Then our tongues meet and crash together.

Sometimes I think I couldn't ever get enough of this.

But…

"Have you heard it?" I ask, suddenly stopping.

"What?"

"Something hit my head."

"I didn't hear anything" she says, before kissing me again. "Maybe it was a bug. C'mon, don't stop."

"Rach, wait." I gently move her away, looking up.

"I didn't know you were afraid of bugs."

I stiffen. "No, it's not that. It wasn't a bug."

A drop comes. Then another one. And again. After that it's not possible to count them anymore for the high number.

The rain begins to fall plentiful. A scared expression appears on Rachel's face.

"The house is too far away. We'll come dripping wet. Follow me!"

I grab her hand and I drag her. We try to run as quick as possible to limit the damages. My heart becomes lighter when I see the tool shed. We go in and I close the door in hurry.

I put a hand on the wall while I try to regain my breath. Rachel goes near the little window, glancing outside worried.

Once the adrenaline for running decreases, the reality tears down like a bricks fall.

We are out of the house, in the middle of the night and it started to pouring. I don't know if and when it will stop. I don't know when we will be able to return in the house without being caught.

I glare at Rachel. She tries to apologize with her eyes and gives a hint of a guilty smile.

"The weather forecast was right then."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

…_You make me feel like I'm whole again_

* * *

><p>I walk around the little room, my arms crossed so tight against my chest that I'm afraid I won't be able to release them anymore.<p>

"Quinn, could you come here and sit down? You are stressing me out."

Rachel is seated against the wall, curled up with her knees against her chin. I stop and I give her a withering look.

"Okay, don't sit down. Go on."

But I don't go on. I point a finger to her instead and my voce comes out so high and threatening that I'm glad nobody can hear me.

"You have no right to tell me what to do! If I want to walk, I walk. If I want to sit down, I sit down. It's your fault if we are stuck in this situation."

She opens her eyes wide as she lifts her head. "Mine?"

"Yes, yours."

"And how could it be my fault?" she squeaks with incredulity.

"You made us go out at this time. If you hadn't insisted so much, we wouldn't be here!" I say heatedly.

"Oh sure. I imagine that the rain is my fault too" she comments sarcastically.

"Why did I listen to you?" I'm almost on the edge of tears. "I wouldn't have to make it happen."

Rachel stands up and comes near me, but not too much. "Quinn, you are overreacting." She talks as she is trying to calm down a skittish horse. "It's nobody's fault. We couldn't control it."

I feel an amount of rage raising up and I squeeze my hands on my hips. "Yes, we could! We shouldn't be here! What will I tell my parents if tomorrow morning the rain won't have stopped and they won't find us, huh?"

"Well," she tries to say, stumbling over her own words, "we could say that we went out to take a walk and we've been surprised by the downpour."

I narrow my eyes in irritation and I stare at her for a moment. "Rachel, this is the dumbest thing you could ever come up with! Who the hell goes out in the middle of the night to take a walk?" I blurt out, furious.

"I don't know, Quinn! I don't know what to do either" she screams, stretching her arms, without other argumentations to give.

I lean with a shoulder against the wall, watching outside the window. The rain doesn't seem to stop. Actually, maybe it's even intensified.

Rachel goes back to sit down, still curled up.

"We can't be in the same room without arguing. How would we do when we will be in New York?" she whispers a moment later with an unsure voice.

I turn to her, absorbing what she just said. "What has to do with this now?" I ask, confused.

"How can it work if we argue for everything?" she asks in return, ignoring my question.

I take some steps toward her trying to find the right words to say. "Rachel," I begin, "why do you bring out this problem now? I don't even know if I will get into Columbia. You will sure get into NYADA, but-"

"You will get into Columbia too, Quinn" she interrupts me.

I shrug. "It's not sure. I didn't get the letter yet."

"Your parents are right. They can't not accept you. That's ridiculous" she replies, curtly.

Maybe I begin to understand where she wants to go. She seems to be in difficulty to express herself. Rachel Berry who can't explain herself is a surprising news, though.

I sit next to her as I take a deep breath. Rachel keeps her eyes down, sometimes she moves them in front of her, but she doesn't cross mine once.

"Even if I will get into Yale, we'll still be together. New Heaven is not too far away from New York" I say warily, hoping to have hit it on the nail.

"I know. It's not the perspective of a long distance relationship that scares me" she replies, flat.

"Then I don't get it. What scares you so much?"

She turns to me, her eyes suddenly flooded with tears, a feeble voice. "Be away from you."

My heart makes a back flip.

"But you just said that-"

"I don't know," she reprises wiping off a tear and giving a hint of a weak smile, "the idea that you could not want me anymore one day? Or that you could get tired of me… I'm not exactly the most manageable person in the world."

I now stay silent, incapable of say something.

"I'm sorry to create you all these problems, Quinn. I didn't want to get you in trouble coming here."

"It's not your fault" I whisper sweetly.

"It is. All I want is to be with you, but all I do is making things worse." She lets out a sob, her eyes are visibly red now.

I take her hand gently and I entwine my fingers with hers. "Rachel, it's not your fault. It's our situation that is complicated, but we do the best we can."

"But it's my fault if we are stuck in here and we risk to being caught" she says with a choked voice.

"That's not like that. Early I wasn't being serious. I'm only worried. I shouldn't have treated you that way."

She nods, trying to calm her crying. "I deserved it though."

"It's not your fault if you push me to do things I never thought I could do." I smile as I try to wipe the tears off her cheeks.

"Really?" she asks between the sobs.

I nod, widening my smile.

She puts a hand behind my neck, pushing towards me, and she kisses me. A kiss almost desperate and needy and wet. I grip her hair tightly as I tilt my head on a side and I let the kiss grow.

Rachel chokes another sob and her tears make my cheeks wet too.

"I don't want to lose you, Quinn" she whispers on my lips, looking at me in the eyes and not leaving the grip on my face.

"It won't happen."

I press again our lips together, craving that contact more than anything else. My heart is literally bursting out of my chest.

"I wanted to say something too, Rachel" I say when we part, while I softly caress her hair. She nods, giving me all her attention. "I don't know what will happen hereinafter. I don't know if I'll get to Columbia, but it's really what I hope with all my heart. What I really want to do can be done only there."

I make a brief pause and I look down, before placing again my eyes on Rachel.

"Also, I like so much the idea to live in New York for the next years that I would be already there. And last thing, but not for importance, I need to be where you are. I want to be where you are."

"Quinn..."

"We could be together even if I was at an end of the world and you at the other one, but being together in another city means living without this pressure."

"And New York is wonderful with snow, right? You should totally see it."

"Right" I whisper, sinking in that memory.

Rachel smiles and puts her head on my shoulder. She links again our hands together.

"Did you want a little time to be alone? Well, you've been pleased" she says, holding back a laugh.

I leave a kiss on her head and I rub my nose against her hair. I don't remember why I was angry in the first place. All I can think is that it's the two of us, almost like suspended in time and out of the world. What will happen next doesn't worry me anymore, it doesn't scare me. I know that Rachel is here with me, no matter what. And I'll be with her.

We stay like this, in silence, holding onto each other, lulled by our breaths. And without noticing it, we fall asleep.

* * *

><p>I make use of a moment to understand where I am when I open my eyes a few hours after. I remember having fell asleep with Rachel's head on my shoulder, but now I am the one that is between her arms. She is caressing my face and her chin is resting on my head.<p>

"You're awake" she whispers, giving me a kiss on the temple.

I sit straight and I look around. Suddenly I remember all the events of the night before.

"Since when have you been awake?" I ask Rachel.

"For a little while" she answers. A wide smile appears on her face as she adds, "And it stopped raining."

I turn with a jerk toward her, hoping to have understood well. I don't hear anymore the noise of the rain falling on the plot. I head to the window in hurry, so quickly that I feel a stab in my head standing up. I turn to Rachel, radiant, and we come out of the tool shed together.

The air that hits us is a bit more cold for the rain, but it could have gone worse. The sun hasn't already risen, luckily. My parents sure are not awake yet and we have time to go in without being caught.

We rapidly make our way on the wet grass holding hands, helping each other. Rachel is the first to climb over the window sill and to take out her shoes, followed right after by me. The house is silent and this is a good sign.

"Where do we put these?" Rachel murmurs, shaking the shoes covered in mud.

I take a plastic bag and I put it on the ground. "Put it in this in the meantime. Tomorrow we'll try to clean them up. I mean, today. It's 5.30 am…"

I close the window behind me, making sure to not make any noise. I address to Rachel again. "Let's try to have some more sleep now."

She warmly smiles at me and leaves a kiss on my lips before leaving the room silently.

I immediately fall on my bed and, while I mentally recall the night just gone by, I fall asleep again, deeply.

* * *

><p>The suitcases are set with care in the trunk of the car. First my parents' one, then mine. Only Rachel's one is left.<p>

I observe the lake's water and the reflection of the sun on it. It's sad that it's already time to leave. They have been two days pretty intense and a bit unreal. Frankly I only wish I could sleep, but I'm sad to have to go back to Lima.

"Are we ready?" my dad asks rubbing his hands together.

"Almost" mom replies. "I have to control outside to see if everything is at its place. And Rachel is finishing to set her things." She quickly looks at the house and then she turns to face me. "You go in to call her, honey?"

"Sure."

I enter the door in hurry. I peek my head inside of Rachel's room and I watch her closing her suitcase. Her lips move silently in a sequence of swears while she pulls the zip with force.

I can't hold back a laugh while I knock three times against the wood. The unexpected noise makes her jump, opening her eyes wide in my direction. I giggle again amusedly.

"Sorry, I didn't want to scare you."

I think that the effect entries are a curious characteristic of our relationship.

"I didn't hear you coming" she says as her face loosens up.

I move near her slowly while she puffs and brings her hand on the hips, the usual pout like a little girl to whom it's been denied a day in the playground.

"It's this damn zip that doesn't want to close."

"Maybe it's because you carried clothes for a week when we've been away only for two days?" I tease her, raising an eyebrow.

Rachel puffs again, trying to close the suitcase obstinately.

"Wait, I'll help you" I offer. I heavily push the border of the suitcase allowing her to finally close the zip. "Done!"

"Finally! It's been a nightmare!" she cries out, putting the trolley on the ground.

"You are the same old drama queen" I giggle as I lean in order to give her a kiss, the last one for today and the last one until we'll see each other again.

We smile at each other, our faces close, before separating against any will. However, after the risk run last night, we haven't complained about not finding the time to be alone. We thought that it could be better not try our luck further.

"Mom and dad are already outside waiting for us. It's time to go back home."

I trail the trolley until the door, when Rachel speaks, making me stop at the doorstep.

"You know, it's a pity to have to already go away. It's really wonderful here. Despite the supervision and having to stay continually on the alert." She looks around her to then placing her eyes again on me. "Last night was an experience at the edge of absurdity," she goes on, choking a laugh, "but I was with you."

In completing the sentence, her gaze becomes sweeter, her eyes bright. I adore when her eyes shine.

I now become aware of the fact that "adore" isn't the right word anymore. It's not been that word since a long time, at least.

There was a constant hammer in my mind last night, that hit even more incessantly when Rachel was on my shoulder and while I was trying to keep her as safe as possible next to me. To make her feel as good as possible.

It's what I try to do: to make her feeling good.

And now, while I'm here in front of this amazing girl who managed to make me completely fall at her feet without leaving me the possibility to stop it, I understand what pushes me to be what I am for her.

I understand what is that grip in my heart every time I look at her. Those words are there every time I'm with her, every time that I think about her. I feel them in my head and I'm aware of it, but they simply can't come out.

But now that we are here, those words come out of my mouth because I can't help it anymore.

"I love you, Rachel."

I could swear I have seen her stopping breathing for a moment. And maybe it's what happened to me too. My heart beats fast in my chest and those three words just said echo in the room. I can't believe that I really said it out loud.

"I love you" I repeat, slowly this time and with a firm voice. "I love every single thing of you. I love the color of your eyes, your lips, your laugh, your voice, the way you make me feel vulnerable and strong at the same time, the way you make me go crazy only touching me or only looking at you."

I pause a bit, trying to read her expression. "Sometimes you can be unbearable, irritating and also a lot childish. You always want to be right and you hardly accept critics. Sometimes I feel the need to punch you for how you annoy me. And I can assure you it happened several times."

I smile lightly. Rachel Berry at this point would be peeved by all these insults, but the girl in front of me completely hangs off my words and is listening to every single word I'm saying, totally captivated, without keeping her eyes off of mine.

"The fact is that I even love the way you cross your arms and the way you pout when you get mad" I say, referring to the scene of a moment ago. "I love the way you dream and how you make me feel. Even when I'm mad at you, like yesterday. Nobody has never ever made me feel in this way, Rachel."

She doesn't reply. She is simply looking at me. I suddenly feel my legs giving out. I feel empty, but full at the same time.

"I couldn't keep it from you anymore" I finally murmur.

On her face appears a little smile, but she keeps on staying in silence.

I become aware of the fact that maybe this wasn't the right moment. Mom and dad are waiting for us outside and they could come in and find us staring at each other like two… lovers.

"Better go now" I say, clearing my throat. "I-I'll wait outside."

I drag the trolley out leaving Rachel behind me, still standing in the middle of the room. I try to calm my breath and to appear as normal as possible in front of my parents while I set the suitcase in the trunk.

"Now we're ready" my dad exclaims satisfied glancing behind me just as Rachel comes out from the door.

I get into the car in hurry, every inch of my body on fire. I immediately look towards the car window, avoiding to cross my eyes with Rachel's, and once we all get into the car, we leave for the way home.

We are on the state highway by now, the radio turned on a station that broadcasts vintage music and my parents who are chatting of something I don't know about and I don't really care about at this very moment.

The car's noise and the images that flow in front of my eyes are stifled by the echoes of the words that I said out a moment ago in that room.

Rachel is seated next to me, but I can only feel her presence. I haven't had the courage to turn to look at her yet.

I hear her taking off the security belt and moving closer to me.

"I love you too, Quinn" she gently whispers to my ear.

She hesitates for a moment, maybe in the indecision of telling me more, but then she comes back to her previous position, tying the belt, without adding anything more.

I stop breathing, incredulous for what I just heard.

She loves me. She loves me and it's everything I needed to know. It's all I need.

I curse the fact that I can't hug, touch, kiss her and get rid of this brief distance that separates us now, but for the moment I'm content to know that she loves me and that I love her and I don't need anything more.

I remain turned toward the car window, a wide smile on my face and the sun that sets in an explosion of colors.


End file.
